a walk with love

i find that walks help me smile, they help me forget the things i want to forget.

walks help me live.

unmire me from the past and finally be in the present.

for a few hours, i was out, with company. each day, these few days, i was very lucky to have company.


was almost never alone. what can i say? i've a great support. :)

thank you; thank you so much for arranging meet-ups, for coming over to sit and laze, for listening to the radio and dancing with me, for eating instant noodles with me and not minding mugs of tap water, for messing about with art mediums, for teaching me how to flick cig ash into the ash tray in a male-conceived genteel manner (undoubtedly bad education but it was practical. nevermind that i'd stopped smoking, thank you, anyway. you were the only one to finally not tell me what i should be doing but let me do what i wanted. and taught me something useful while at it. thank you, i love you for it) for talking me out of suicide..

..for holding my hand, for holding me, for the walks on the beach, for telling me your troubles, for laughing at me, for making me see the hilarity of my situation and having me laugh about it, for kissing me when i couldn't stop crying, for holding me like you loved me, like i mattered, like it hurt you to see me like this when i was drowning in my own tears on your pillow.

thank you for the emails, for the letters that kept me grounded, for the advice, for making me believe the future will be better. i had clutched at those on certain nights and certain mornings before the sun had risen, knowing that you would cry if i were gone.

thank you, for anchoring me, for letting me cling on to you like a cat scared of the tub, during the unholiest hours of the night, for staying up and praying with me, for not complaining even when it's a tough time for you. thank you, too, for discouraging my swirling thoughts of prince love, encouraging me when you know i cannot be deterred from wanting to try. thank you for accepting my weakness, for liking my being, for giving me attention when it feels like the sun in my life suddenly lost its battery life.

thank you, for being the moon that shines for me during my darkest hours.

thank you, for loving me.



one love lost, many loves found, again. thank you, dear lovely friends, i am truly lucky to have you about.

i'm in the midst of standing up, i couldn't have done it without you. truly, dear friends, thank you.