strangely happy

heh.

someone just called me sounding pissy and majorly turned off.


she demanded to know if i had gone back to smoking. i had rather calmly told her, yes i had.

she then asked me what's the point of saying things like 'i want to quit smoking' to her, for it creates expectations.


i found that moment strangely familiar - i had a few encounters like that with another, some time back.

so while being scolded, getting defensive and somewhat amused (i hope that didn't show), i managed to explain that i am not addicted, just because i can go without smokes for a fortnight if i wanted to prove to myself that i'm not so.

'i only use them when i couldn't take it,' i said, referring to the emotional downs i get smacked with without rhyme or reason.

she got worried about my getting dependent on it emotionally/mentally.


...after a while of debating (never knew an exchange of ideas could be this calm. i must remember how that happened, for future reference and usage) i conceded that i'll get over him and the habit eventually; takes time.

that's when the silly elation got me. she cared about me enough to call me to nabeh ask me what the hells going on. not that the rest of the world who didn't don't lah but you get what i mean.

i had done that to simon back then, and to have someone get worked up over this kinda thing is like, wow. granted, a little unpleasant, but it drives home the fact that she cares. :)


a little like a mother forcing a son to wear that toopid piece of triangular paper from the temples (no offence, merely to demonstrate what the non-believing son might be thinking) - a little annoying but it does help remind the fella that his mother worries about him. maybe that's when he remembers not to speed, because of that thing that's been soaked in sweat and dried countless times is right there with him, between him and his shirt, reminding him that his mother worries about him.

it's easy to forget sometimes, and get angry when people get naggy and pissy, or to see that they actually are concerned. thankfully, i'm able to see that most of the time. next step: learn to express it less damagingly. then again, i only have that issue with the ex, for some reason. maybe i cared and bothered TOO much. that ain't healthy.


so after we hung up, i had this silly grin plastered over my face. she cares! silly me, how'd i forget that?

..maybe we all need to be told sometimes, aye? indirectly or otherwise, i guess we all have to be told.

i love you too jas, truly i do.