i did something wrong, i'm going to set it right.

i did something wrong a few weeks back, today i'm going to set it right.

i had been setting things right these few days. or more specifically, closing doors.


ever since i'd broken up, a seeming avalanche of suitors had turned up at my door in the most unusual ways. one filipino from saudi (no idea how he got my number), one old friend from australia, and another high-flying banker in singapore. there are, of course, the ones who refuse to go away. like nelson. i wonder why he sticks around. i mean, i'd been nothing but a bitch.

are men truly punishment sluts???


but i digress. so just yesterday i managed to spit out that it might not be a good idea to come all the way to singapore to stay with me; on the same day i managed to tell the saudi one i hardly know him and don't even know what he's saying most of the time.

and today, this very afternoon, that banker fellow is coming over.. gotta set the guy straight.


but thank heavens for these people. they love me. or my presence at least. heh.

maybe it's enough to be just smiles, no pressure to be anything else. i hadn't felt this free for a long, long time. no need for anyone, cruisin' along, easily.

work's starting soon, i hope. come 3rd april, i will be taking on a project. praying it goes well. i might be sent to taiwan to do a shoot, might be good. they're setting up a studio it seems, i'll be helping out. drawing salary, aye, but what else is there to live for? i want a job, too. work ass off till thirty, scrimp and save, buy a goddamn house or get the hells out of here.

if it were the former, i'll make it into a sanctuary or sorts. have people come over when they're stressed. have a pool built, get a dog, let them live a life that's not their own for a while, work some things out. that was what my aunt's place was to me when my heart sat on a wall and fell. i want to do that for people, you know? go away without going away. :)

if it's the latter, i wanna settle in taiwan. i heard the men are soft-spoken and the ladies are beautiful; the scenery's great and they all speak chinese in the endearingly ingratiating manner and their grasp of language is lovely! i would love to migrate to taiwan. that or get a farm somewhere, have some sheep, cows, buy my own generator and live a hermit's life. i'd always wanted to do that. snuggle in a rug in front of the fireplace when it's cold, watch the embers. dreading having to poke my nose outside in the winter and having to shovel the snow away from the door so i can go out.. :) i'd always wanted to do that.

maybe, maybe. but first, let's start it off with this.


i'm sure quite you people'd agree that having something to do to fill my time with and at the same time earn me monies will help. i like working. i enjoyed my stint as an intern when i was still studying. i had no one back then, went to work, ran about the whole damned day five days a week, life was good. life was simple. heh. save the bit about the bullying bastard of a mentor lah that is. tale-teller, that. but i was happy hauling equipment, setting up, suchlike.


now it's going to be me working with people, working with studios. assistanceship may be a thing of the past already. wow.

it's no bed of roses, but i'm going to stick it out. photographer. me. work comes first. no, wait. friends and family come first. work comes a close second. that's not to say i'm going to leave work when kakis ask me to game or go have wine lah, but you know what i mean. kakis are important. family, too.

now please pray for me, that all goes well, so i may do something that i love. :) those unreligeous ones, cross your fingers! :D


hmm. my finger's healing quite well now, the numbness's gone a way quite a bit, though there's still some of it left. it'll heal, it'll heal. everything does. :) thank god it's like that.

song on the radio: lonely no more, by rob thomas. well sung!


I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

Now its hard for me with my heart still on the mend
Open up to me like you do your girlfriends
And you sing to me and it's harmony
Girl, what you do to me is everything
Make me say anything; just to get you back again
Why can we just try


I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

What if I was good to you, what if you were good to me
What if I could hold you till I feel you move inside of me
What if it was paradise, what if we were symphonies
What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you