use and abuse

hmm.

re-read my entry of lyrics.


got a little scared, for i'm in that kinda position. using and abusing, at the same time trying that damn hard not to be used and be abused.

heck, what is this life that i lead?

no simony to save me, this time, when i'm crying and in need of a hug, like the time when someone i knew kicked down the proverbial red door. thick and thin? mm. that was one of the thins.


and suddenly, i miss him all over again.

here's hoping this passes in two minutes.




on another note altogether, now that i'm floating with the whole world of men around me - yes yes call me the mindless man-hungry slut - i do truly wonder if i'd ever meet another who fits so well.

this time i'll leave 'well-meaning' friends out of the picture, not that i listen much to them.. i do hope that he will be of the same train of thought. then again, when the faith isn't there i suppose anyone will believe anything that's being told to them.

don't believe in shit like incompatibility, hinted cheating, 'we don't like him/her', suchlike. and what of the things that the person in the situation sees? were we blind? maybe, perhaps, possibly.

..i suppose not everyone's as stubborn as they profess themselves to be.


but ah, such complicated issues should not be discussed with myself now, i'm not ready for it.

he and i ended once a few years before; he broke my heart then he came back. he had 'never' gone back to any girl before, as i hadn't.

how we got together again back then, i've no idea.


and now.. who knows? maybe get out of each others' lives that way, and forgive and forget.

when his wedding comes, i'll offer to take shots. if my wedding comes, i'll send him an invite. maybe.

then again, he might still be in love with me and breaking his fragile heart over my wedding invitation would be cruel. ha.

but as i said, who knows what the future brings?


i know i'll meet great people. here's hoping the girls he meets aren't there for the money in his future!

like john legend says, this time we take it slow. we're just ordinary people.