definitions

i had gone out with the babes today...

did our usual thing: ate, walked, drank, talked.


it was a regular outing for the four of us, save one bit: someone broached the subject of friendship.

someone asked, have you ever felt like you had to work hard at a friendship?

and i said, yeah. it feels like that, the four of us.


and then we talked. as in, really talked. well, the three of us anyway. one had to leave early though so she wasn't there to hear about this. which might be just as well for i think three of possibly different views is just enough to handle.. one more would mean things getting more complicated than what we had to handle then.

we talked about things like mugging (what i couldn't understand) and freelancing (they couldn't understand), politics (what we all don't want to think about but one had to endure, possibly),'moving out' (and the whole shebang that comes along with it), suchlike, and how we are still banding together.

no doubt, though, the pressure had been felt not only by me. for when we met up it feels odd sometimes - for me at least - like i had nothing much to say to them and they also had nothing much to say as well.

someone mentioned it's because we lead 'very different lives'. aye, true. that we do.

i pseudo-found my answer to what friendship's supposed to be today.


someone i'm happy being quiet with; hang out and do stuff with; discuss, not argue with. no pressure. like it were a natural thing to do and not feeling so awfully awkward about.

and acceptance of the person i call friend. take (my personal favourite example) susan. i love her and i hate her.

love her because she can be so sweet and thoughtful, hate her because she can be so sensitive and touchy and spoilt.


yeah so the bad outweigh the good. but so what? she's my friend. if i can tahan who're you to say she's a bad friend and i should tell her to shove it? i do that in my own time and in my own way. you - whomever you may be - shut up.

..unless of course, it's to congratulate me on my unwavering loyalty. :D


but seriously, do i reject her because she's got her bad days? i got my bad days too.

so do i drift away because we sometimes rub each other SO wrong we can almost strangle each other? what about the times when we do get along?


along the same lines, do i want to drift away from that certain jasmine and jennifer because we don't have mucho to talk about?

IS there a need to talk, if we were to be able to spend time in silence? and say, isn't it time to transcend into that already? we've known each other for what, at least 6 years!

isn't it time to be comfortable with each other now, at least? 'be ourselves', to quote someone, 'not pretend'.

aye, while i try not to as my lady friends try not to, sometimes it's just a little contrived when we sincerely try harder to have a topic to dissect.

ironic, isn't it.


..so while i still haven't found my own definition of what friendship should be, this is how it stands: a friend is someone you know will come to your aid no matter how long you hadn't seen them nor spoken to them.

a friend does not need to know your every move, what you did, who you talked to, what you said.

a friend must be someone you're comfortable enough to show your real nature to, be it good or bad; for that's the highest honour anyone can bestow upon another: show them your real self which may not be all that 'perfect'.

and lastly, a friend must be able to show you the same.


of course.. the acceptance part goes without saying. for if you reject the person when the real deal's revealed - then.. what friendship?

and yes, i accept my friends. these three, at least. i won't presume to say that i know shitload about them, for they have their confiding partners and i sure as hell ain't it. well. not even most of the time anyway... but what does it matter? just because you love them means you have to know their every emotion every stumble and every victory meh?

..if you do, man you're stalker material. you can only love a person and hope he/she loves you back. not saying much doesn't mean not loving enough. i learnt that from someone. :)


the main thing here is acceptance, i suppose. and that's the best i can do for now.


change? bah. they can do it themselves. and if i had realised anything, i realised that they can be bloody stubborn. and so'm i. :)