i wonder why

i wonder why my blog disappeared on me. i wonder why the damn computer let it happen. i wonder why i clicked 'yes' when i meant bloody no.

-disgusted-


i wonder why people ask me 'are you ok' when i send messages out to them. i wonder what's going through their minds. do they think that i'm still in that black pit i was in, a while ago? hm.

i'd've expected myself to get out of it by now. maybe they thought so because they hadn't much idea just when i had broken up and therefore still think that 'i'm not crazy just a little unwell'.

well 'i know right now you can't tell' but i'm alright.


..maybe they're taking me for some sortuva freak show, but who cares, really?

i'd 'lived a life of controversy' as one extended family member put it, from the kind of parents i have to the kind of family relations therefore; from the ways i see things and the ways it differs from theirs (to assume that they don't assume to think i'm 'wrong', of course) to the way i can go with little or no food sometimes but can be ravenously hungry each time i eat but only eat a little..

heh. a small empty stomach is still a hungry one! haha


to laugh at things that i find funny that you absolutely don't get.. am i weird? or just more perceptive?

and when the person that matters most disappears, what fetters hold me to my sweet prison? so i roll along once more, like a cloud in the sky. idyllic, observing, in flight.

yes, i am a cloud. a cloud in the sky.