good friday

today is good friday, therefore a very good friday to you.

i went to church this morning, felt i needed to, like i've been pointed at by a large invisible hand that went "you! go to church tomorrow!" and so i went.

good thing i did, too. the service was alright, we sang songs and worshipped... and through the events of two days past, i'd asked a pastor to pray for me - and she did. funny thing though, that when she prayed over me i heard her words with my eyes closed and somehow, with the closing of my eyes the tears flowed. oh good heavens they flowed.

i didn't feel much inside, just that i'm very aware of the tears flowing and they were hot. i didn't feel bad or abused or... you know - negative.

but the tears made their presence felt.


after that, i left, feeling the same as before, not feeling very different but imagining, as i walked down the steps of the church's entrance, that i would be a shining beacon of light and somehow, goodness.

a little odd, considering i'd never really thought of myself as "good" before. people who play dungeons and dragons will know the following analogy: i tend to be chaotic-bochup than chaotic-good. one person i know is lawful-neutral (jenn) - given that she studied and is doing law and is pretty neutral in terms of punishment (keywords being "pretty neutral")...

but i digress.

so being the chaotic-bochup person (read: the suka-suka go do random things without really being bothered about others' reactions kind) that i am, i had somehow fancied myself a shiny beacon of light after having leaky eyes.

mm. random thought: do you think pastors have this natural priest ability called "summon tears"? (okay, jenn's so going to smack me for that)

heh.