extrication

i suppose i had never really fit into the scheme of things. fashion and pretty bags? mm.

real talk, the meaningful kind? only if there's a similarity in wavelength.


someone said, there's no real need for understanding; does it matter if we have a great time?

yes, it does, to a certain extent. i don't know about what you value but i can get 'a good time' with pretty much strangers. it's the understanding that's hard to come by, don't you think?

why do i need to play musical chairs with my group of four? to avoid sitting right beside someone who i know will rub me wrong and me doing likewise to her? better to save the chagrin.


why, when we're seated altogether i don't get asked for 'that rouge event' when the other two did, amongst other things, like being called 'a china girl' which she associated with rudeness, which she 'doesn't like'? a 'nationalist' speaking, or is she simply retaliating to my flippantly calling her an ah lian?

laugh it off, for god's sakes! or do i have to polish your toenails for you and lick them in the process?


and i thought we'd grown out of this 'competition', this 'dislike' for each other. heh. i thought we understood that we insult each other tongue-in-cheek, especially after graduation.


apparently not. insult me, i'm used to that. but attitude..? i'll pass, thanks.

if we were to be fighting the entire journey from then till now, what're there to it at the very bottom?

even when you're supposedly pampering me when i've 'nothing to eat' you somehow seem to expect more than a heartfelt 'thank you'.


what is it that you want? 'oh you're so purty with your nice purple singlet top, marry me'?


if you're going to give me branded chocolate chip cookies and candies with strings attached, keep them. it hasn't happened just once sweetie pie. i don't believe i had said anything wrong (though granted this time i was heavier with the stings, which i'll readily apologise for when you're ready to hear them) - especially if those times what i had said were 'hi' and 'mm you look nice'.

retort: 'is that all you can say?'

wanting to ask why is not allowed, too. so just take it lah? because i took your cookies. wah.


why would i want to tell you more anyway, if i want to keep my thoughts of your figure to myself, princess.

i know you won't like to hear them, however much i assure you i like you more that way. i'm sorry i don't click with you the way another does, i'm sorry that i haven't enough grace to spare to have you 'like me more' - i'm still in essence a rough me, not the polished persons you tend to look for.

...even if i were to be polished - it'd still be the ole familiar 'ho su-skeleton-san' approach as always.

it's the way i've come to know and love you. but sometimes love just ain't enough, eh? for while i understand that, i don't suppose we're of the same view. while i can accept that you tend to get offensive with me, you can't seem to get the same.

laugh it off lah. sitting with you is stressful because you takes things too hard. it's scary sometimes when i'm smiling to myself about your barbs and thinking of comebacks and you seem so worked up. we'd been through this before, haven't we, albeit wordlessly? we had managed to insult each other and not take each other too seriously. have you forgotten those times?

maybe you'd think that i don't like you. you're right. like and love aren't the same. while i love you and would do much for you, i'd hate to spend time with you as of now, and in the future too, if this keeps up. don't ask me how, it just is.




as for the rest... i understand the evening was supposed to be nice. i'm sorry i left and couldn't participate in whatever yak you had. but even if i did stay would i have been able to do so?


better to have one leave and you all have a good time instead of having all together and have a tense evening, no?

i'm glad it worked out in the end. :)

...while i'll still put in an arm and a leg for you, i guess it's time to take a break from it all.

i'm tired of tentatively being myself and then pissing someone off then fighting and having to have jenn be the middle person again.

it makes things easier to minus myself from the equation and put myself elsewhere. saves trouble saves time. you're easier to spend time with in this case. i'm better for 'shut-the-fuck-up-and-watch-the-rain' kinda companionship while you're more worldly 'lim-kopi-talk-about-fashion-and-future' kind. i'm good for break-ups and you're good for living. -grin-

we complement each other, you know that? but maybe like a certain someone i loved we complemented each other so well we can hardly stand each other. heh. heh heh heh.

complementing one another also means we're quite the opposite, doesn't it. just a positive way of saying 'you're different'.


...thank you, jenn, for the pint. i know i flaunted it: huge glass. thanks, too, jas, for being graceful. you people enjoy.

will buy drinks if we meet again.