eyes

this has got to be one of the best days of my life.

an old lecturer of mine called me up today, and gave me the best gift i can ever hope for - insight, insight and jobs. jobs - well, that goes without saying how it makes me happy - but the fact that he's seen me for who i was, found my talent even before i thought i was remotely close to being "good" at it.

when he first met me i was still studying - he told me "you are a writer."

and all i could do was to smile, against my raging, hammering heart upon hearing those words - how can i be a writer, when i am studying design? it must be hogwash. besides, we've only just met! how -

but those words rang true. i knew it was true.

but daren't believe it. i daren't believe it, because it was sounded too close to my dreams, too close to my secret wish to be a writer. what if, oh Lord, what if i believed him, pursued it and found that oh, holy cripes, i'm not the person he thought i was, i could be? i didn't know which was worse: disappointing him or disappointing myself and therefore my own er, destiny - for lack of a better word.

it may sound terribly dramatic to you, but there is no other way i will - can - put it to you right now.


it's not easy to know, nor to explain, but knowing someone saw what you are even before you knew what you will become - is, is - oh, for God's sakes!

i've found it! i've found it again! my passion!

for a long while i wandered about in the professional front, poking my nose into a myriad of vocations in search of a possible "use" of my good self, from design to illustration to heck, even merchandising and sales - hoping to find something that i can excel at in the belief that whatever good that must come has to be worked for, sought after, demanded for, begged, jumped through hoops for - when all this while, i've had it. i've had it, i've had it and i've had it, through and through!

all i needed was this one person who saw, who believed in me. if that's not a visionary born years ago to touch this life, i don't know what is.

so thank you, mr t, for being the person to bring this to me at this point. THANK you. because you are the "guai lan" person i know you to be, so i know i can trust without having guess at your words' meanings; because you were and are my mentor. thank you, from the core of... -cough- from the core of me.


..and that's how i know this is a path i have to take, for better or for worse. this is the feeling of satisfaction, of happiness and trust that i've been looking for, through these two years.

THANK you.