mmhm!

i had lost the ability to write, it seems, upon finding happiness. much like how a poet needs his pain i suppose i need my daily dose of agony. this chap, it seems, takes away the need to do so and somehow has turned me into this ridiculously happy goofball.

i mean, i can still function but it is harder to focus on things sometimes. like work. the all-important money-bringing thing that some men wear ties to do every day. facing grouchy customers (i'm doing customer service now as well, apparently) is one thing but it doesn't get me down. you know what i mean? i fume about it for a while then get over it and resume being happy. i mean, where's the fire and discontent that i need to rave with? the anger, the EEEENGST?

gosh.


but as they say, when a charbor wants to kaopeh she will kaopeh.

so i'm happy. sure, there were times when i vehemently say 'men suck!' and there's this one occasion that he had made me cry - but that one time compared to the countless times The Other Bloke That Was had done so - doesn't count for anything. this man almost has nothing for me to complain about.

almost.


...there are things i truly do not know about him, and it's not the 'oh i don't know your shoe size' and 'i haven't been to your place' kind of thing. it might be something crucial, too. for one reason best untold (it's jasmine), i decided to trust him.

not easy sometimes, and pretty damn hard when he's difficult. worse, when he says things like 'it's a secret.'


and i won't ask. i had grown quite apprehensive of questions since the last time i tried. things i should know but i shouldn't know, you get what i mean?


like my man's undying love for an ex who keeps hanging about.

gosh that cut me deep.


i'm sure this current one is something else altogether and i'm determined not to walk that road again. maybe i'll fall another time, get a couple more bruises. but that's life, isn't it?

a little like learning how to blade. you know where you're headed but you feel so damn wobbly and you're so frickin' scared of falling because life hasn't thought of giving you all tough plastic knee guards - it's a little like life being personified into an idiot and experimenting with you, the puppet who goes onto the rough tarmac road and scrapes himself.



...okay negativity's over.

i'm in love. with a man that's not perfect. what's more beautiful than that?