the impression my subconscious has

apparently, my subconscious thinks highly of junwei.

i dreamt that he had sent me a response via sms - and apparently we're talking about porn and how international porn (playboy) is "decidedly international" while local porn (playeur) is... lingerie showcases masquerading as porn.

and his sms response went something like this: "Well, not really because porn to a man is like a meaty dish complete with a good hard drenching of sauce... international magazines invariable talk about the girls, the artist taking the shots or doing the stlying, their personalities/coquettish behaviour, the magic and glamour make-up offers and its unashamed exploitation, the set... it will also include the girls' pouting at and flirting with the camera (and as in tandem, the photographer behind it) while lying about their ages, in outfits nobody'd otherwise wear. and it's brilliant if you look at it [the situation].


"the pictures are also more artistic than pornographic - artistic because the girls are treated more like sculpture than person, instead of the generic, similarly-proportioned bodies that plaster sub-standard (local) magazines.

"it's really a twirl when your body incites the shyness of the business world."


bravo.

Wednesday Mornin' 4am

i woke up this morning too early for anyone's good - 4 am - and these are my thoughts as i laid in my bed.

4:26am I woke up too early today, for some reason. too early like 4. so i cocooned myself in my blankets, hoping the cool air-conditioned er, condition would cajole my impetuous awareness into slumber. no luck. [turning and tossing occurs with some additional details and me finally giving it all up with a great big yawn - an ackowledgement that i'm bloody awake]

so i stared at the ceiling. it's not as unpleasant as one might think, considering i'm half awake, warm save my nose poking out from the geography of blankets i'm under, everything's quiet and it's not even beginning to light up outside. the sun's on its way, i understand, but don't care. not yet, anyway.

5:38am. i find that staring at the ceiling is, at this juncture, rather pleasant. of course, i may change my mind if i had someone snoring beside me while i contemplated the whitewash... then again i would probably decide to roll into the other and feign unconsciousness, searching for a cuddle and murmuring into his back. either way it is better than staring at the overhead fan because, i find, i cannot do it for long.


6:35am birds, you can afford to shut up.


6:46am thank you


6:51am to think i crouched this way and that during these few hours hoping to catch some sleep. the sun has arrived. >_<

anonymous

i keep getting anonymous phone calls lately, for some weird reason. :/

those numbers are "private" - could it be..?


..nah. it can't be.

death and taxes

wah shit! i don't know how to file taxes!

DIE LAH

secretary of the US.. ish

i attended my virgin unassisted mic-jousting session today. suffice to say, was i glad i have long arms!

as it was, mr hill (christopher) arrived at the airport to allow us members of the media to hound him a bit about the N Korea situation, how talks would be like, if they're making progress or is N Korea going to hypnotise them into giving them more time more money - again.

okay, it's not quite put that way and those were solely my words.

mr hill in person seems alright, and a friend of mine would say that he's a diplomat, not a politician - a distinction i failed to make. well, y'see, a politician more often than not are "nice guys" in demeanor, while diplomats tend to be "nice guys" in essence. of course, that's generalisation, but that's why i used phrases like "more often than not" and "tend to".

so mr hill seems alright; he seems to be the kind who has learnt the er, art of saying many things without saying anything. which means that he's probably earned his rights - "rights" - to be where he is right now. but that's a diplomat's job.

i doubt he'd be trying tricks like that with his wife. heh.


but i digress. so it was my virgin unassisted mic-jousting session at the airport today - i had no idea how heavy a 150-gram (guesstimate) audio recorder can feel at the end of your fingers when you're reaching through necks and past ears to place it as near to the speaker as possible. it gets heavier every minute; thank heavens mr hills only spoke for 18 minutes.

and i'm not the only shaky-armed around. there were others whose audio recorders trembled like mine did. hahah i wonder, if i were to do this often will i have slimmer arms? LOL

the questions women ask! XD

no, really

i don't have anything valuable to say right now.

i'm tired. worn out. hey look, there's a hole on my back, like a patch of fur missing from a cat's coat.

worn out. :'(

trip outside

well, i had decided to pop outside for a spot of education fair today, and suffice to say, i was unimpressed by the stuff they had on display. luckily for me, an angel told me about this scholarship mastercard's offering and i'd set myself at least fourteen reminders so i won't forget to call them up on monday.

i'm kidding - i only have five.


anyhoos. i had some time to burn before i got there (friend was late) so i stepped into bysi and took a look. what a look! haha

i looked, looked, looked again and twirled in it then put them dresses back, saying i'd come back for it later (giving myself time to cool off and see if the "second look" changes anything). so lunch, banter and minor walking at the fair ensued and i dragged my hapless male friend (who wants to do fashion design, by the way) to go "look at dresses" with me.

i can't understand why straight men want to do fashion design. hm. maybe he's... no. he can't be.

it might be that he gets to measure, then. -cough-

well, this coming from someone who insists that he's got his whole life mapped out and is missing only ONE ingredient: a rich tai-tai? lol

he cracks me up, this guy. he can be my best girlfriend any time. after he sends in an application form, i mean.


right. so. thanks to two unforgettable fights that happened in a single shopping trip and therefore having learnt the fine art of asking for the mens' opinion whenever you're out shopping with them - i asked Hapless Male Friend for his opinions. who kindly and patiently obliged. i thought that was really nice of him. to be fair, though, i did lend him my free weekend newpaper to read while i did the necessary.

mmmmmmm i remember a time when i was shopping with -


hm. ah, reminiscence can go stare at itself in the last changing room - for now, hello pretty dresses! :)))

the burger guy

this guy's passion is burgers. i'm serious!

sensei

trading

and yes, i've come back to trading, after all the pussy-footing, finding my feet. i'm going to learn how to trade, proper.

whaddya know, this position is wonderful!

conversation

Me: oh my gosh, how long's it been?? five, six - years??
Him: yeah, more than two lifetimes! (rolls eyes, grinning)
Me: goodness, really??

[lots of catching-up chatter ensues]

Me: so... wait. i have a politically-incorrect question. are you straight?
Him: no. i'm tri-sexual.
Me: [rapid-fire blinks]
Him: means everything also try once.

the red stream

the red stream is here. it's making me droop around the edges - what i hope outsiders will see as the pretty draping effect of a flower.

but meanwhile, i am having none of the blemishes i so often sport back then.


yeaa, life is good to me!

bintan

bintan was great! i didn't know i could like a beach this much, i didn't know the sea could be this much fun!

the company, and oh, the company. priceless!

showers 'r' us

yeahhhh it feels like that sometimes!

type of investor

i've been reading a book titled "the cashflow quadrant" and had come to a part that categorises the kind of investors there are. one particular one i read about is "stewards of money" - these are the kind of people who put together their own components in an investment programme and buy it, and they more often than not hand down the legacy of wealth over to the next generation via education on how to build money.

even in death, they control how the money is handled. amazing.

i must be of at least that level - so that means i must read. learn, read, read, read, learn.

something by scott feschuk

fucking good read! ON NATURE.

kickass comic

HERE is the kickass comic.

bear in mind that it's R-rated, cause of nudity, swearing. but a kickass story.

boating no more

mm. not going boating no more.

rain's provided us both with an excuse to postpone it.

stalked?

i do believe i have a stalker.

he sms-ed me, "You play game till very late last night. Ha......"


hm. this is coming from someone who does not play games.

response? "Ya."

no extra attention given.



...sometimes i wish i needn't do this myself.

don't mistake me, i like being strong and independent. i just wish there were someone who would offer to kick butt for me - so i know when shit happens if it happens i have a person i can count on.

may that person be the man whose chest i lay my head on at night.


cause... at the end of the day, boys are boys. these are the kinds you play with for a while then put aside cause they are in essence still children. how do you tell, really?

well, they are the ones who "have also can, don't have also can" or "if she wants she'll come if she don't want she'll leave" and therefore not do very much throughout the relationship. it might kill them when you leave, but they won't stop you. because they "respect your decision" and therefore won't even try to stop you.

no wonder divorce rates are high - it's because of the rise in respect.

-snip-

anyhoos. it takes a man to show stalkers JUST WHAT THEY'VE GOT - and believe it or not, it really makes a woman proud to be his woman. cause then the chap'd have pride AND the balls to back it up with.

i'm going a-boating

i'm going a-boating tonight. it'd be nice, i think.

heart's heavy, for some reason. could it be the rain?

message of the day

message of the (good fri)day is - what i've retained, that is - is, PURPOSE (to be found trying to get my attention via a sledgehammer to the head); and ..see below.

-ahem-


as a certain pudgeyCHOKE - dignified - pastor told us a story just now when asking us the question, "what would you die for?"

he opened by recounting this autistic savant named johnny, who lived on rio's sandy beaches.

autistic savants are not just autistic, they are gifted. some savants can do phenomenal mathematics, some can repeat whole symphonies just by listening to it once and some have amazing photographic memory - and this one sculpts sand.

so each day, johnny would build sandcastles. sand sculptures, if you will.

he created magnificent sand sculptures of buildings, of scenes of amazing intricacy... and on the same beach, was a group of irritating typical hormonally-powered teenaged moronsCOUGH - boys - who would come along, and kick it all down. every day.

sometimes the johnny would cry, but most of the time he just let them: after all, it was only sand and there was always tomorrow.

then one day, johnny built a magnificent one of *his home, with its windows and doors, beautifully detailed down to the climbing bark that clung to the red brick wall surrounding his house. as usual, the teenage [deleted] came along, and began kicking it down.

but this time, johnny fought back. he wanted to protect his work. three big boys against one boy who builds sand sculptures... in short, they kicked his head in. he was sent to the hospital and was in the intensive care unit for two days before he finally died on the operating table.

and the question the pastor posed was, "what would you die for?"

what would you fight to save, what are you so protective of, that you would give your life for it?

...the above was a story - there was no johnny, and the tragedy did not happen (trust me, i was half-smirking to myself too when i heard the pastor say the above-mentioned was not true :/ ).


then he told us another one, this time a real incident.


there was this lady, inez, i think her name was, who was friends with this person, frank. they enjoyed the same things, they worked on similar projects ... inez had found things in frank that's similar to herself and frank found traits that are similar to his.

needless to say, they enjoyed each other's company very much. the friendship grew and later it had become apparent that their friendship could become intimate. the problem is, she is married.

it was apparent that he likes her, and she knows she likes him. she knew what she had to do.

so she typed this letter, addressed to him. it read: "unless a friendship is dead, it will always grow into something more. But when a friendship becomes something that compromises the commitments to those we love most, it can never be."

she mailed it.

in the pastor's words, "'i mailed it; i saw it disappear,' she said. 'it ripped half of me away inside, but once i had done that, i felt the burden shift. the problem has been taken from my shoulders, to be undertaken by God. it is only then it is out of my hands and dealt with by Him.'"

the pastor continues to say, "more often than not it is usually what you have to do before God may take the burdens from our shoulders..." (i think that's what he said in closing)

however inaccurate my recounting of his sermon** today, i do get the idea of what the pastor's trying to say. i found myself asking the same thing: what would i give up my life for? is there anything i would fight and fight hard to protect and retain?

..right now, i have nothing so very magnificent to fight for. other than My Lord, God's honour should anyone attempt to sully it.


but i know what i want in the future.

i want a home. i want a home, a big home, a house with a big garden, so i may provide sanctuary for my beloveds. i know that a sanctuary does not a garden make, but a sanctuary is more complete with one humongous garden. and anti-mossie devices, of course.

so. may my beloveds find peace in my house, a house i share with my husband. i will find that house, then i will create that home and fill it with love. i will be generous with food in the larder, so all who wish to eat need not scrounge.

thus i honour Him. praise be, praise be.




*actually, the pastor said johnny had sculpted jesus, the one with arms outstretched - the one that is erected in rio, i think. i had substituted it with johnny's home because it might be easier for non-christians to digest.

**there was another story the pastor mentioned, but i thought that might have been a little too much to wash down in one post.

good friday

today is good friday, therefore a very good friday to you.

i went to church this morning, felt i needed to, like i've been pointed at by a large invisible hand that went "you! go to church tomorrow!" and so i went.

good thing i did, too. the service was alright, we sang songs and worshipped... and through the events of two days past, i'd asked a pastor to pray for me - and she did. funny thing though, that when she prayed over me i heard her words with my eyes closed and somehow, with the closing of my eyes the tears flowed. oh good heavens they flowed.

i didn't feel much inside, just that i'm very aware of the tears flowing and they were hot. i didn't feel bad or abused or... you know - negative.

but the tears made their presence felt.


after that, i left, feeling the same as before, not feeling very different but imagining, as i walked down the steps of the church's entrance, that i would be a shining beacon of light and somehow, goodness.

a little odd, considering i'd never really thought of myself as "good" before. people who play dungeons and dragons will know the following analogy: i tend to be chaotic-bochup than chaotic-good. one person i know is lawful-neutral (jenn) - given that she studied and is doing law and is pretty neutral in terms of punishment (keywords being "pretty neutral")...

but i digress.

so being the chaotic-bochup person (read: the suka-suka go do random things without really being bothered about others' reactions kind) that i am, i had somehow fancied myself a shiny beacon of light after having leaky eyes.

mm. random thought: do you think pastors have this natural priest ability called "summon tears"? (okay, jenn's so going to smack me for that)

heh.

choosing men

y'know, when i choose my men, looks used to be way down on the priority ladder. why? because i know that looks fade and if he weren't hawt ladies won't be very attracted to him – unless, of course, he's got shitloads of money.

that's why i tend to choose people who are, first and foremost, smart. the girls will know that not all of my interests are hawt. in fact, only a few were hawt. in fact, there was only two. wait. three, one of whom i did not find hawt but others seemed to find irresistible, for some strange reason. : /

anyhoos.


so. brains, right, is the first one to come up. if he ain't got brains, he sure as heck ain't got no sense of humour. not that one is interchangeable with the other, but the lack of the former more often than not denotes the lack of the latter – and we all know we gotta laugh a little sometimes.

...just not at the boyfriend, all the damn time.


can you imagine how sad that would be??

and if he doesn't have the wit he'd better have the smarts. so at least if he pisses you off you know it's a "worthy foe" instead of some lame duck who couldn't hurt you even if he hated your guts.

(this is different from having someone who loved you so much that he cannot bear to hurt you. VERY. different.)


second, i look for whether he can express himself well. if he can, he probably can make you laugh as well (brain/humour factor comes in here) and chances are he probably charmed you into getting together with him.

you'll know it if that's the case, because you would've been the one chasing him, not the other way round. unless, of course, you're every bit as good as he is, which probably means the playing ground will be more level (read: good thing).

a close third, is very simply, how he does in bed. i mean, seriously. if a man can show a woman a good time it's one more reason to stay. but if he's wimpy in bed then hey, it's like being together with a man who SNORES: you either sleep together or you don't. again, the ability to communicate comes into play here. no matter how good he is or how his dipstick resembles a baseball bat he still gotta know how to wave that magic wand to suit different kinds of spells.

because sometimes – just sometimes – that's not really possible without (say it with me) communication.

i mean, what if you like it like this and he does it like that? or he likes it that way and you prefer it so? trust me, it's going to need more specifics than "more uh-uh less ah-ah."

so there.

lastly, it will be whether he's got the "x-factor", so to speak. does not necessary mean good looks, but rather, the aura of sexy competence that says "hey joo. i is sleek rogue banker, hear my hunky rasp."

yes, one of my previous liasons was exactly like that. well, sans the "hey joo, i is..." part.

but oh, gawd, that one. that very one who sports a suit (yes, i do admit suits makes me do funny things) – he's not good-looking but oh good heavens, he's smart, savvy, suave, sexy, sexual – that's the one who causes literal sparks to zing when we are near each other, suit or no suit. it's not just his effect on me, it's my effect on him, too.

a-mazing, that one; it's not often that you find someone who turns you on like that. but well. there's are reasons why we didn't get together. we didn't have the second aspect with each other. that and that he is spoken for. :P


but ah, things we do when we're young and foolish.

Amazing French Beat Box

courtesy of moomoocow

foraging in KL

well, so i'm in KL for a few days, and like the last time, it's for work.

only this time i'm staying longer than just two days - so that means i've to really walk around to find food outside of the darned hotel. so, right, today i find myself inspired enough to buy food from the hotel, and i was right to trust it (i ordered chicken curry) - and it was good...

then came dinner. i didn't want to stay cooped up in the room and hello, i'm in another part of the world, it'd be a shame if i didn't take the chance to look and walk around, take a few pictures here and there, do the tourist thing. so i did, but the main thing is that i need to know what to eat.

and just now, i felt like eating hokkien mee (recommended by jenn) - and since i've no bloody idea where to get myself a bowl, i decided to do a search online. and voila! makan kings came up. and thus inspired i took to my literal heels and walked my jaunty walk out of the hotel... only to find myself at the sidewalk (duh) with no apparent mamak roadside stall boasting "MALAYSIAN HOKKIEN MEE" in sight.

but what'd i expect, really? it's outside of the damn city, near the twin towers - did i really expect mamak stalls?


...actually, yes.

but then i admit i was naive. but having walked ALL THE WAY to KLCC (wah lan eh) directed by strange people who point the way then carrying on with their walking without waiting for "thanks" - i concluded that KLCC is like our takashimaya. the only difference is that the A&W sucks and the soupe in the chinese restaurants - or the one i had my soupe at at least - is "too salty".

in the end, i left both places with food barely halfway eaten. it's horrid. the "restaurant", too.


the next time i eat, it will be at mamak stalls, i swear. if there are NO mamak stalls out on the hotel sidewalk, i will FIND mamak stalls at SOME sidewalk. and i will bring pochai.

Japanese hahas

well, there are MORE from where that came from, and THIS ONE - on dating - takes the cake.

be sure to check out the following: -

Volume 2
Volume 3
Volume 4

Sushi: Japanese Tradition

huahahahahhahaa

in view of recent events...

gobstoppers

for those who are wondering why i brought up gobstoppers -

well, gobstoppers are traditionally sweets - big round balls of sweets made up of different flavours. :) there's strawberry, cola, chocolate, raspberry, orange... and the unpopular ones like licorice, tuna, earwax (if you're a harry potter fan).

well, people are like gobstoppers.

some may argue people are like onions but i'd say otherwise. onions don't have hearts. and they make people cry. so there.


well, anyway. people are gobstoppers because each and every layer (facet) is different. some layers you like, some layers you like very much and some layers, well: tuna.

every one of these's got these many layers to them, each gobstopper's pretty different from each other. ones you get from asia are probably a little bit milder, a little bit more "exotic", like that chap russell peters mentioned in chinatown - while those you get from say, the americas and europe are probably flavoured like fried chicken. with mayo. and guns. and "his gobber rights".

come to think of it, those from tibet probably taste like goats cheese... in the good way. if you like goat's - ahem, mountain goat's cheese. you probably can eat bread with that gobstopper and feel that it's the best meal in the world. if you like goat's cheese.


anyways. so everyone's a gobstopper. when you're friends, sister/brother, boyfriend/girlfriend with someone, you know there are different flavours to that person. it's a matter if that gobstopper is an old gobstopper or not. or if that gobstopper is one you can do without.

for family, you can't just spit that stopper out. for people you call friends - probably not, neither. considering you don't have to live with them and chances of you needing to evict them from your life altogether are well, low. having said that though, i'm sure we all understand that friends're going to be the the most important people in your life.

for girlfriends/boyfriends, well. you may be going to have to spend the rest of your lives with them and that's intense, right, so it's best to taste each and every one carefully. it's a little bit like eating a lolli (this is when you're "just dating" - you can still taken them out of your mouth when you want to talk) but when you're married sometimes the lolli loses the stick and becomes a whole real gobstopper. cause that's what happens when you actually live with each other.

sometimes people can't deal with having bought a gobbie and having to have it in his mouth, as a result they try to move it to the side of their mouths so they can speak resulting in them seeming socially inept. some try to spit it out, because, well, "it wasn't what they expected" or "the flavour changed!"

lol

reasons to spit, really.


with human gobstoppers however, each time you spit one out, you cry. because it hurts that damn much when she punches you in the mouth. no doubt, you have other teeth and sometimes new teeth grow - but hey.

i don't know about you, but i've come to the point in which i understand that people will always be gobstoppers (and i'm quite done being punched in the teeth). sometimes they come from a pack that reads "underlying pickled corn flavour" and other times they come from ones that read "addictive poppadum that's too salty overtones throughout".

and sometimes, just sometimes, they come in packs that simply translates to "just right.*" : )





*fineprint: "with occasional flavours of double-boiled wintermelon and pork laced with cinnamon."

to illustrate...

to illustrate i shall have you see this presentation - done by jon, on what he went through.

gobstoppers, eh. now there's a man.

i know!

i know what i want! :D

someone like jon! and i want to be someone like heather (who is the author and owner of dooce.com).

haha i know i love a party and i'd love a friend for a husband - and these two are married the best way some people are married - yeah, like lim yew beng and tan kheng hua. she's got her quirks and he understands and takes it - loves it. and she does the same, despite being in-his-face about it occasionally.

though.. she's probably the more flamboyant one in both cases. haha


hm. am i different from these women? i want to be more active with my life. more, more active.

so how did she do it? well, it doesn't matter. i think her most basic personality trait is to dare be herself and simply stay that way.

people who say "you changed" don't understand that people change - people are always changing, especially when growing up (ie: from age 2 to age 36 for women, age 2 to age 50 for men. and when they finally grow up, it's nearly time to die).

the bottom line is to continue to love and support that person... like how jon did (amongst other things) when heather was clinically depressed and refused to take medication due to the stigma. boy, i love that man!

you go, jon! they don't make men/geeks like you anymore!

blog winners

and these are it:

2008 Weblog Awards winners:

Best web application for weblogs: Blogger
Best Australian or New Zealand weblog: Reasons You Will Hate Me
Best Asian weblog: Freshly Squeezed
Best African weblog: Dotty Rhino
Best European weblog: Chocolate & Zucchini
Best Latin American weblog: The Wired Blog
Best Canadian weblog: Attack of the Redneck Mommy Monkey
Best American weblog: Dooce
Best photography of a weblog: I Can Has Cheezburger?
Best art or craft weblog: PostSecret
Best food weblog: The Pioneer Woman Cooks
Best fashion weblog: Go Fug Yourself
Best weblog about music: Said the Gramophone
Best gossip weblog: Dlisted
Best entertainment weblog: Television Without Pity
Best sports weblog: Fat Cyclist
Best weblog about politics: Crooks and Liars
Best computer or technology weblog: Lifehacker
Best topical weblog: I Can Has Cheezburger?
Best GLBT weblog: PerezHilton.com
Best teen weblog: Sarcastica
Most humorous weblog: Overheard in New York
Best writing of a weblog: Confessions of a Pioneer Woman
Best group weblog: Jezebel
Best community weblog: PostSecret
Best-designed weblog: Dooce
Best-kept secret weblog: So Very Alone
Best new weblog: Jezebel
Lifetime achievement: Heather B. Armstrong
Weblog of the year: Dooce

charmed life?

wow, hey.

looks like i'll be flying off on monday. anwar again, personal interview this time. i must bring my best attires then!

thinking

hmm. i was wondering if i should take pictures of the places i've been to and the places i'll go to... and what about the people that i'll meet?

i wonder. hm.

words

bedizen. citizen of bed. bed citizen.

but really.


bedizen \bih-DY-zuhn\, transitive verb:
To dress or adorn in gaudy manner.

as per

At 18, he attended a party "frizzled, powdered and curled, in radiant pink satin, with waistcoat bedizened with gems of pink paste and a mosaic of colored foils and a hat blazing with 5,000 metallic beads," according to Michael Battersberry in "Fashion, The Mirror of History."
-- Donna Larcen, "Details Details: Everything Old Is New Again", St. Louis Post-Dispatch, May 19, 1994

regret

...right.

it's a mistake to watch these vids while having my mask on.

Boypren

lol reminds me a little of my experience with my ex's mom! damn funny hahahah

Band-Aid?

oh, good LAWRD.

i'd SMACK HER if she were REAL!

Buhlud.

hahaha oh golly, this tickles me from the inside! so cute!

Charlie bit my finger - again !

haha silly kid...

flowers in my pants

the birds may chirp and the butterflies might's well dance around me. -_-

visitor

we had a visitor in the office today, mr hanada, his name is. he came by to visit my boss, and before he left, he asked for a namecard.

i don't know if it's a japanese thing, if he was being polite - he said my name is very pretty and i'm pretty, too. i'm flattered, though... i do wonder: is that how the japanese are polite?


-chuckle- think so much for what? just be gracious and say "thank you".

mm, i think my boss was pretty proud of me today, for mr hanada's praise. it's a pride thing, ya? ^^'

lighter

wah, shiok.

i had a magnificent - time - at the loo. one of the luxuries in life. better than sex.

mmm very clever

this is going to be a great game.

smells like fun

i practically ran out of my house when it was still drizzling, to hop on a bus, right, to get to holland vee, right, to buy myself some bottles of moisturiser because airport security think i can make a chemical bomb with moisturiser on the airplane.

i'd sooner hurl that bottle of moisturiser at someone than to have to mix it with whatever-they-serve-inplane and have the passenger seated beside me wonder why am i adding the chicken mayo sandwich to the moisturiser??

anyway.

so i was at watsons, right, looking for that olive-scented moisturiser (also by watsons) that i liked so much when i came up on the pantyliner section, right. then oh yeah: i needed pantyliners.

so i picked up a purple pack, right - and the pack of pantyliners smelt like lavenders. in spring.

meh

i'm tired just reading those words i typed (entry drafted).

loving someone shouldn't be this hard. fuck this.

malaysia

malaysia was fun. i wish i had a little more time, a stronger brolly with me to walk around under.

suffice to say, the weather was erratic. the place was fine. it'd been slightly dramatic, the way i like it and would've been absolutely perfect if i had been afforded more time to walk around after sunset with the rain beating suicidally down on us all... but nooooo

nabeh. only got TWO HOURS to eat look around try not to get mugged and totter back to hotel to make calls to political factions. -_-


but! i managed to find a nice cupcake cafe to have dinner at. it was nice, that one. they played elvis when it was storming outside. suitably irreverent in such weather.

everything about that evening was a little like ole mo-town detective story - dark, monologue-ishly mysterious -laugh- it was nice while it lasted.

articles that make my eyes tear

it is articles like these that make me want to smile.

i want a fairytale lovestory like tony leung and carina lau, too.

eee

from reuters

a1487reutrr i BC-HEALTH-MILK-ALLERGIC 03-03 0507
BC-HEALTH-MILK-ALLERGIC-KIDS
Severely milk-allergic kids can be desensitized


NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Children who have a potentially life-threatening allergy to cow's milk can often "learn" to tolerate milk through a carefully orchestrated, supervised program in which they sample milk in progressively higher doses, research suggests.

After one year, more than one-third of cow's milk allergic children who completed the program had become completely tolerant to cow's milk and more than half could tolerate limited amounts of milk, the research team reports in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology.

"Desensitization, or 'specific oral tolerance induction,'can be achieved in a significant percentage of children with very severe allergic reactions," Dr. Egidio Barbi from 'Burlo Garofolo' University of Trieste told Reuters Health.

Current strategies for managing children with severe food allergy -- avoiding the food entirely and carrying epinephrine auto-injectors to quickly halt an allergic reaction -- are only partially effective and have a negative impact on quality of life for the entire family, Barbi and his colleagues point out.

For these reasons, the researchers investigated the safety and effectiveness of desensitizing children with a history of very severe allergic reactions when exposed to even minor amounts of cow's milk.

Their strategy consisted of two phases. During phase one, the children spent 10 days in the hospital where they were given drops of diluted milk in increasing doses and concentration each day. During phase two, the children followed a similar protocol at home. Parents received written instructions on how to gradually increase the milk dose and were taught how to spot and treat any allergic reactions.

Parents could also contact a doctor involved in the study at any time.

After one year, 11 of the 30 children who completed the protocol were able to tolerate cow's milk and dairy products without any restrictions.

Moreover, another 16 children who completed the desensitization program were able to tolerate limited amounts of cow's milk, resulting in a "striking improvement in quality of life," the investigators note.

The fact that most of the children could tolerate at least some cow's milk after the protocol "is important because the danger associated with accidental exposure to small amounts of cow's milk is significantly reduced," Barbi and colleagues write.

Three children who had persistent allergic symptoms were not able to complete the milk desensitization program.

"Desensitization carries a definite risk of reactions, especially in children with a severe history," Barbi emphasized. "For this reason, it should be restricted to highly defined medical settings."

Nearly all children who participated in the program had at least one allergic reaction, mainly skin or stomach problems, which occurred from a few minutes to 2 hours after ingesting milk and were typically managed effectively by the parents. In most cases parents chose to continue the desensitization program "in spite of frequent symptoms," the investigators note.

Barbi and colleagues say they are encouraged by their results but warn that "far more research is needed to confirm the safety of this approach."



SOURCE: Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology,
February 2008.

REUTERS
Reut 20:29 03-03-08

games and boys

i went out with mikey today, met two new ladies and a whole bunch of boys.

we had drinks, we went to dota, we had fun.


and it was a nice day.

sunday

sunday. wow, it's fast. i held on to saturday, i did! and when i woke sunday was halfway gone.

i'd called a friend when i woke, we had a chat. it was a nice thing i had done, to call. though... i probably shouldn't have.


wow, i had been having the sense that i lack direction again. i mean, what i do is very nice and all, but it hardly makes me think. i like the fact that i am up to date with everything going on around the world but... i have to say that unless i'm trading, it's probably not a really good place to be. hm. i wonder if ..i wonder if a certain friend's mother -

haha


it's a friend's mom, for crying out loud. why'd i be bothered about someone else's mom? i feel so tired suddenly. it's strange that i should be contemplating how to fall on a chopstick and have it pierce my heart. lol heart kebab!

i wonder what the surgeons would say.


surgeon one: "sheesh, young people these days! and chopsticks! ever heard of knives? tsk."

surgeon two: "yeah, stupid kid. kids these days think that hearts are easy to mend. ever tried to fix a skewered plastic bottle?! with chambers built in??"

anaesthetist: "you guys think you have it tough, but we who play support roles have to make sure the person's still sustained. chemicals, bah!" -curses-

(an argument ensues, ending with the anaesthetist thumping his mask on the floor)


hm. i wonder if that would then convince me that i do indeed have my heart with me, here, in my chest. it's been nowhere else but here. i can feel it beat, can't i?

i wonder if i'm spiraling out of control like britney spiralled out of control. i'm still pretty together, aren't i? the gloom i'd chucked into the rubbish bin, i'm going out and getting more air, i'm still working...

haha phone call. it will be good to focus on someone else for a while. i've got love to give, here. let me give it to someone who's willing to receive. : )


i think it's time for me to move out, too. move on out, move along. somewhere else, hey. :) babes, if you hear of places out for rent at a reasonable price, do let me know. it's time i moved on out.

fight

i fought with a friend today. over some other friend's rudeness.


i was quite upset, suffice to say.

another friend advised me... that maybe i perceive everything as a slight towards me because of my childhood (she knows probably as much as the girls know) and thinking about it, there may be possibility that it might be true. the way i keep the office clean, the way i buy food for the office; the way i seem to be amassing friends to be family...

maybe that's why i am this picky when i choose my friends who i am very protective of. maybe that's also why i get hurt more easily than most.

..yeah, that might be why after i get hurt i realise that they're not family, but friends. then i realise that even family members fight sometimes, and that's the only idea i have towards friends, trying to keep them as family. a great deal of the time i flounder, because i don't quite know what to expect.


quite a bit of the time i watch, try to be happy with just being there and trying to fit in so i don't cause too many ripples or dead silences, so i can simply be in the same environment as my friends without disturbing them too much as i know i sometimes make people uncomfortable. heh.


it's a bit like keeping goldfish in a bowl, somewhat detached, but longing to be inside of the bowl with your beloved "fish" - and when you finally do immerse yourself in the same waters, you are a little bit antsy, a little bit careful, a little excited and at the same time delighted that these "fish" are the same "fish" you are; that you have actually known them practically all your life. so why does it feel like i am the kind of fish that gets out of the bowl and walks on twos sometimes?

how come so many people do not understand what i say?


tone? pitch? words? methinks i may have to type every thought i have into bite-sized little pieces and have every possible little quibble mapped out and nailed with precise words so very literal minds can read them and understand - on the surface - what those words are trying to translate into.

not you, probably. you probably understand what i'm trying to say, because you give extra thought, like thinking, "what happened," or "why does she say this," or something to the like.

then again, maybe you don't. haha


..fish. "fish". i'm one too, so why does it feel like i'm in a bowl - "bowl" - one so very different from yours? so vastly different.

friday!

phew. it's finally friday! not that my work is very strenuous, but when you have to go phone number hunting for people like anwar and mahathir - wow. international calling codes CAN be pretty infuriating.

then i have to make contact with various experts of the avian flu - a senior adviser of WHO for example, some directors/professors/doctors all based in various parts of indonesia. i have to speak with their organisations, flounder through with rudimentary bahasa...

then there may be times when people are just having lunch. and by the time they're done with lunch, i find out they don't speak english......


but it's fun. in fact, i get a buzz over the idea that i'm brushing metaphorical shoulders with these bigwigs. well. with their assistants, anyway. i don't know if it's a "high-flying job" as someone calls it, but it sure is fun!

haircut

i cut my hair yesterday! :D

it's nice, kinda cute. there is this stubborn curl on the left side of my face though, that ..i don't know, hmm. but it's a nice kinda hairstyle. i like it!


there. happy birthday to me. -smiles at self, with self-

me birfday!

happy birfday to me,
happy birfday to me!
happy birfday, happy birfday - happy biiiirfday, to me!

:D


it's been a wonderful wonderful day. thank you all for making it so!

taking stock

^^ i've done well.

new phase!

wow, hey. it's a new phase in life.

i eradicated my phone inbox and outbox and felt much better! now, as is the custom, i will close the blogs and start on a new one. hmm.

wait. why can't i see myself through the troughs and continue to enjoy my blogs?


life does not end on a low note now, does it. if it did i would've been dead many times over haha

anyhoos. it's time to set the water heater for a nice, LONG, warm bath. last night was damn warm! i know, i know: eee.

fever!

i'm ill again. it's quite sad.

*urg

i ate too much, too late.

but then it was gooood. that was my second meal of the day and i loved every bite of it. now, all i need is water...

treating myself well

last night i didn't sleep and today i felt (and probably looked) like a dried-out coconut husk you would find awash on beaches...

but i treated myself to some mental stimulation (gaming) then had a nice hot bubble bath, followed by a facial and hair mask. it felt so good it's almost like i was reborn.

..of course, that might just be my skin finally being able to see the light of day after the dead skin cells have been sloughed off. :P


anyhoos. i woke to this horrible dream this morning... it would seem that i was this rich girl living in a swanky part of town overseas. i know it was a penthouse... and i woke (yes i woke in my dream) to news that left me disconsolately heartbroken. and i knew i cried, i cried till the only anchor i had was the marbled ground i fell on, cause it was only through gravity and the coldness of the floor that i had a point of reference.

almost like i was a child throwing a howling fit, only i wasn't.


then i woke, dry sobbing.. and the sun was bloody in my eyes.

Amy Winehouse - Rehab

i know how it can be amy. grammys sometimes help with your situation.

kicking it up in DotA

i kicked ass in DotA.

it was fun.


i'm going to do it again.

for every woman

HERE is the formula for skinny-jeans legs.

valentine's

today i got my valentine's gift - it's a lovely fuzzy yellow bear holding a bouquoet of pink paper flowers - the kind of bear that makes you go "awwww".. it's lovely! : )

well, maybe i'll enjoy valentine's, after all.

strange thrash

this is about anorexia.

funny stuff

it's about doctors.

breeeeeathe

..and this is what i found: buteyko.

i think it might help me, in more ways than one.

here's more know-how.

wah lao

repercussions.

see lah. last night never sleep lah. today kena jialat jialat. i think i'm falling sick.

f*.

then again, lady in the water was a good show and the sound system and projector was good stuff, so no regrets over this one.


..plus a shoulder to cry on in the morning - there's nothing i can - nor should - complain about.

i have to agree!

I Will Survive

this is what happens when you pretend to be jesus.

documentary: tamed, by the balls

here, check THIS out.

landlady

i think i now know why my landlady turns up the telly volume to "deafening" - it's to keep the silence at the peripherals of her being.

i guess i understand now.

The Knut i wish i had

haha

do you think our kid'll be this cute? i wonder if you'd wondered about that..

Funny Tennis

do you remember this, dear? we used to laugh at this and i'd ask you to play it again, again! again!

I Will Survive - Aliensong

something that made me smile again. maybe it'll make you smile, too.

the scent of your kisses still stain my lips
the warmth of your skin just yesterday's wisp
the presence of you still fresh in my arms
the weight of your being ..


too much sentimental poetry. makes it harder. i should stop.

..but let me just hold on to the scent of you a little longer, before i have to wash it away.

oh, oh!

oh yah! forgot to mention that i managed to get myself an item off the list of items that i was planning to get. :) :)

am happy. ^^

a little ragged 'round the edges

hm, i'd been a little tired lately for some reason. it might be the way i sleep, or it might be my hours... i'm thinking it might be the hours more than anything else, but oh good golly. i wish i felt rested!

hurt

games.

i think we won't know who we truly are inside until the following happens to us (not necessarily in order):

1) when we move (that is to say when in an unfamiliar environment)
2) in the face of hardship
3) when facing betrayal
4) when angry
5) when we need to react quickly
6) prolonged anonymity
7) when successful
8) when down and out
9) when strapped for time
10) when found out

truly, these are the times when you should see glimpses of what you are made of.

on movies and war

movies have a certain magic about them. well-written ones, that is, and that takes shows like beowulf out of the running.

well, a sweet indian, through the request that i return DVDs for him, had allowed me to chance upon the movie titled little miss sunshine. it's about how family and love and all the togetherness you can imagine that can only from family, for lack of a wittier expression.

well, just in case you hadn't clicked on the link provided, here's the general summary:

Sheryl Hoover (Toni Collette) is an overworked mother of two. Her brother Frank (Steve Carell) is a homosexual Proust scholar, temporarily living at home with the family after having attempted suicide in the wake of a failed relationship. Sheryl's husband Richard (Greg Kinnear) is a Type A personality striving to help support the family as a motivational speaker and life coach. Dwayne (Paul Dano), Sheryl's son from a previous marriage, is a Nietzsche-reading teenager who has taken a vow of silence until he can accomplish his dreams of becoming a test pilot. Richard's father, Edwin (Alan Arkin), recently evicted from a retirement home for snorting heroin, lives with the family; he is close to his seven-year-old granddaughter Olive (Abigail Breslin).

Olive learns she has qualified for the "Little Miss Sunshine" beauty pageant that is being held in Redondo Beach, California in two days. The family, wanting to support her, quickly realizes that they all must accompany Olive to the pageant, getting there via an 800-mile road trip in their yellow Volkswagen T2 Microbus.

Family tensions play out on the highway and at stops along the way, amidst the aging VW van's mechanical problems. When the van breaks down early on, they learn that they must push the van until it is moving at about 20 mph before it is put into gear, at which point they have to run up to the side door and jump in...

and that's not spoiling it for you. one part that touched me in particular was how the foul-mouthed ole rogue (grampa) told olive, his grand-daughter that she's the most beautiful girl in the world, and that he's madly in love with her when she asked him if she's pretty the night before the peageant when she was getting cold feet. and this is coming from someone who tells his grandson to fuck as many women as you can. fuck many women.

suffice to say, i totally bawled my eyes out during this movie and ...and understood the power of a good writer. don't fuck with a writer. seriously.


as for war... there're too many lives and too many bombs on legs these days. it's all solved with mortar and suicides. take the most recent assassinations: there are the guns, there are the attempts with knives wrapped in flags, suicide bombers - it sure looks like there is a culture forming. i must've been slow to actually realise this only now but hey, i just started reading the newspapers recently. it's scary, this world. the more i read, the more freaked i get.

i was about to ask "why can't people just be content with living" only to understand immediately that what i consider acceptable may be the kiss of death to some. then again, that just brings me to the idea that humans are evil because evil feeds upon itself. and that's what we're doing. we're a cancerous race, in all senses of the word.

..then again, who's to say what's right and what's wrong, until someone close to you gets croaked and affect you enough to howl holy hell? reminds me of the book lord of the flies written by william golding.

read

this is what i happened to read in the news... and i wonder if i'm up to mark with my own mother's "modes of teachings".

i want to be the kind to capture the opponents' queens!

on beauty

a friend of mine has fallen in love... with yet another girl who's 21... who's here on an exchange programme. and given his penchant for "unattaintable" targets, i wondered how "unattainable" this one is.

mistake me not, my friend is not a guy who's (too) frivolous. in fact, he's the kind concerned with the world's welfare and suchlike, lectures at a local university where she was a part-time student at - and that's where i worry for him.

tell me that this is obvious: what if she squeals his declaration to someone else, who in turn squeals it to someone else, so on and so forth? call me paranoid but i sure hope this 21-year-old is as ripe in the mind as she is in the body (if she's ripe in the body). i wondered why he's so in love with her, really - and he, without my asking, conveniently forwarded me to a web-add that shows me exactly how she looks like...

and boy, she's hawt. not just "hot", but actually hawt.

see for yourself, here and you'll see why his chances are slimmer than anorexic. (her name's jennifer too, by the way.)



yes he's a nice chap, yes he's brainy and his heart's in the right place... but i maintain that he does not stand a chance, even if she were ball-and-chained onto this island.

it's like jasmine and calv, like my friend JJ falling in love with jaymee ong!

...unless, of course, she's like annabel francis, bless that woman, who saw past demeanors and married the sweet sheik haikel. for a 21-year-old, however.... i'm not so sure.


anyhoos. her pictures made me want to break my mirrors... good golly, i felt more the plain jane who'd sooner blend into the wall than anything resembling an actual living female just by looking at her from my side of the screen.

she's beautiful! her body's got a nice, sturdy-yet-womanly frame, rounded at all the right places and delicate where it's meant to be delicate. she's got lovely strong features and, and -

and i can only sigh in envy.

she doesn't look to be stupid, neither, considering she's studying to get a degree......... and that she's human.

it's unfair, don't you think. being beautiful and "human" both at the same time?


i mean, jaymee ong's different because she's not human. she's what people conjured up to grace magazine covers and marketing brochures. nobody's seen her in real life and i swear she's CG. even if she were real, i maintain that she's not completely human because she's a model, for crying out loud. if that's not "not human" i don't know what is. the english dictionary got it wrong: "model" actually means "goddess" or something to the like.




...well.

whatever it is, here's hoping my friend won't get into too much trouble both emotionally and otherwise... meanwhile though, maybe i should have all reflective surfaces removed from my room and tell my landlady that mirrors have been found to be radioactive...

china and their tainted goods, y'know. that's why witches' mirrors cracked when they looked into them mirrors in their swampland homes - those mirrors were from china.

i LOOOVE the psycho kid

clothes

i'd just found that i'm woefully low on clothes.

with su's input i now can survive better, though... there are still (quite) a few essentials i still need! >_<

okay, time to work towards those...

more pressing needs first: CNY.

i should get: -
* a dress
* pants, shirt (PROPER SHIRT)

after that, it will be: -
* jacket (LVER has one very pretty one. i must remember to go back.)
* shoes (close toes. oh goodness, Lord help me find a pair that works for me!)
* shoes (flirty ones that i can wear for a long time... my current pair is more than a year old! >_< so. shoes. hmmm but then my taste in shoes can be pretty "old"... <: +)


okay, that be all for now. it should last me a while before my next planned foray.

crayon luuurve

omg this is a damn cool game! for every thinking person.

happy new year

girls

i went out with the girls today.

it was awkward at the beginning for some reason... it's almost as if i rubbed everybody the wrong way and as a result i was, quite a large part of the time, unsure if i would make matters worse by saying anything.

and no, i'm not normally bothered by other peoples' views and/or reactions to me, but these are the people who i am supposed to love, for better or for worse.

it's hurtful to be snapped at repeatedly, i hope i'm just being sensitive and "cannot take joke one" - i had considered leaving earlier: if i only serve to upset people, then it's best that i'm not there. that way both sides don't get aggravated and this saturday will be more enjoyable.

very thankfully though, it ended in a nicer, more familiar manner and i'm glad we feel like friends again. i just hope this isn't what i should be looking out for each time we go out though - it'd be a shame if it were.


come to think of it though ...even if it were, i'll probably still choose to love them. shut up and love them, pei, because that's what you know you'll do when it comes to them.

saturday

i'd savoured today. well, i woke from a dream - nightmare - about exams. yeah, i was in anderson in my funky almost-turquoise pinafore, sitting in the classroom with gray plastic chairs and desks and waiting for the exam to start. my classmates were walking about, talking excitedly, worriedly.

i recall trying to call out to one of them, just so i'm talking too, but i couldn't for the life of me remember their names. so in the end, i didn't, because i realised that i was amidst strangers. it's so odd, that one. i remembered the anxiety of the dream... funny how it comes back to haunt me and various others at different points in their lives.

traumatising, exams. they should be abolished.

eventful day. ish.

sunday! yes, i spent sunday lazy. ahem. let me say that again. i spent sunday lazy.

mm, that's better. (doesn't do it for me without the italics, heh.)

well for starters i woke up an very nearly ten and felt like i had slept till noon - that was a good start to the day, considering i had pretty nice-odd dreams before i woke. i know i'll see those scenes again later on in life, when i'm 40 or something. but now i'm not 40 and 40 is going to be wonderful. :) i'm going to be very happy, isn't that great?

:D

ahem. so i gamed, won and lost, cursed, celebrated then wondered, albeit absent-mindedly amidst the exulted bellows of "OWNINNNG" from the computer, how come i'm only gaming and not doing something useful. i should be achieving something - anything - that will help me get on better in life, like, y'know, financial freedom. i mean, three ways, right.

1. i get a rich husband.
2. i invest.
3. i work. ahem. "work".

so... why i'm i at home and not doing something about it? i mean, take option one for example: if i were to go for option one i will need to go out and con some chubby young rich punk, yes? said punk won't come a-knocking on my door to deliver my macdonald's meal, yes? haha, but then maybe jasmine will say "not all rich young men are ugly" - and she'd be right. i'm grinning as i type this: jasmine? i hope for a nice young man for you. really. because i know you cannot survive a day being lesbian.


anyways. 'twas sunday and as sundays to, that "little" consideration for my life directions has been left aside.... for many more hours of gaming. it was quite pleasant, whiling my time away like that, and there was food when i wanted it - but at the end of it all, my eyes hurt and my butt felt like it's grown twice the size (my butt is the same size thankfully, though felt like it's grown to twice its size) - and i still have not achieved anything i deemed worthwhile.


it feels terrible! (might've something to do with having stared at the screen and my legs propped up in the most unlady-like manner for too long)

...but seriously. it felt and still does feel terrible, to not have achieved something worthwhile. i've youth and time on my side right now and it's not going to last bloody forever, y'know (those were the exact words that came from me, unexpectedly, that got myself off of my chair. funny, isn't it, how you get jolted off your seat by your own sensibility. it feels so natural coming from myself - i might feel a little odd about it if it came from someone else instead).

so i decided enough was enough and turned the computer off... to pick up a book that i had already read, out of the stack of many.

and i felt like "thick face, black heart" today. and that was what i read as i laid myself onto my bed, feeling the kinks ease themselves out of my back... i must not sit like that again for too long.


...it still surprises me now that whatever i had read many years back is what i'm still reading now, said in different ways, by different people, in different books. it's almost like someone's trying to tell me something and "the idea isn't bloody getting through, you dumb cow!"

i beg your pardon. well alright, so i need to know that i can create wealth with a snap of my fingers, just like that. and you - "you" are trying to tell me that i only need do it. want it and do it. i seem to be missing something here. will "you" help me, please? i'm sorry if i'm a bit thick in this case, but please do show me the way and let me be aware of it when it's being shown.

hmm. oh boy. this conversation with myself - if i can call it "myself" just like that - hmm. i don't ask that you make sense of this, but that you take it for what it is.


anyways. what i was mentioning is about preparing the self for greatness and wealth. i don't want to argue about religion and if there is a big Someone up there, and i speak for nobody but myself in this case: if we were made in His image as cited in Christian ideology, then we possess the very greatness and potential to bring out His Light and Glory.

whether you are a Christian or Muslim, atheist or agnostic or Buddhist -

we - We - are here for a purpose. you know it. you don't need the Bible or the Quran or your mother to tell you that. either you want to make a mark for yourself and you therefore know what you need/have to do, or you know, intrinsically, that you are here for a specific reason.


and what that might be you will know or find out because you will love what you do. true that there are some who do not know what they are there for, and they lament that it is a hard life and it will continue to be a hard life...

maybe these people do now know what joy is. or maybe they do, and they feel it but are merely too familiar with their unhappiness to move out of their nice uncomfortable little hole. i don't understand, really, for i know i'm pretty happy myself, despite having had something of a funky past before... or maybe this is exactly how they feel, because "it's what they know".

but unlike er, "them", i know i want something more. i want a home to call my own, own my property, be rich, be meaningfully and sufficiently busy but without having to rush nor be flustered and having enough time to sip my coffee and go for my walks - when people are in suits receiving salaries fixed by their companies -

hehe

i'm sorry, but hehe


maybe i have stepped onto a few tails here by my previous comment. i mean no offense - that is what i want in my life. i want to set my own salary, a nice big paycheck that is more than "sufficient" to pay my bills and whatnot. i want to be wealthy; i want to be mighty comfortable!


..if you are like me, however - you're searching for that something that makes you happy, gives you ridiculous amounts of joy that it never ever feels like work - well, congratulations, i think you are looking, searching, for the very reason you are here today. a certain jennifer is going to be a lawyer. a certain jasmi is - was? - a topnotch events person and a certain susan, is still searching. i'd like to think that i've a better idea than most, considering i'd bounced around for a bit, looking for the one that feels "right" but i don't know it with certainty yet, though i have to say i've a fair idea of what it might be.

they say that if you are doing something you are placed in this world to do, not only will you do it wonderfully, you will do it joyously and you will do it tirelessly.

and it's true. design and art and writing. what do i do tirelessly, effortlessly? why, writing and art, of course. i suck at design but i sure as heck can paint and write.

truth be told, i want to paint. i want i want i want to paint. i want to paint and i want to sing, i want to dance - those are my loves, i shall never tire. when i cannot dance anymore, i shall paint. i shall sculpt and i shall paint and i shall write, like i shall sing. all those things i will do, and do well.

hey.


you know what? i think i have found what i'm meant to do. really. i've always know i love to write. i've always know i love to sing and paint and dance - but i don't know it. you see? i didn't know it.

whaddya know, hey. i'm going to be rich!

i choked on this

Forwarded Funnies: Stunt Pilot

weekend

i've never been so thankful for the weekend.

geebus!

i can't wait!

ooh what an exciting time! christmas, a week's leave to do ANYTHING i want, new job - gee, i have the most fun life, ever!

i am a ray of sunshine, no rain cloud will get me down!


AMEN!

Whose Line is it Anyway - SFX - Jedi

hooohooohoohahahahhahahahahahahoahaohahahehahhehahehehahhhehahahaaa

スゴ技達人 It`s amazing

OMG

Amazing Flies

HOLY WOW!

fuzzy!

herman!

oh, hahahahahahahaha!

this is what it is

from the pages of facebook.

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisss your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, " ...that's her."

this makes me smile... he calls me beautiful and hawt, he stays awake to watch me sleep, he kisses my forehead... probably doesn't want to show me off to his mates when i'm in his sweats (furry sweats) and holds my hand in front of his friends.

he's not much of a words person though – much to my consternation. "where is the muuuush," i'd often say. i wish he'd tell me more, how much he loves me, cares about me and how lucky he is to have me. and yes, he'll be turning to whomever he's with and saying, "here comes trouble –" with a smile

" – and i love her."