on loneliness

there's no such thing.

if you're lonely then you either don't know loneliness or you got a life. i'd say i have both.


thankfully! :) more emotionally independent than anything, aye? but i understand what you're getting at. it's tough sometimes, i suppose. i know how it is to miss someone, to miss being with someone.

but what does that solve? it's another useless emotion. i'd mastered my anger, i'm mastering my pride.



surely you can master loneliness. i trust in you, sweet being.

i love you, still. be good, now.

storyteller

aye, that be me.

blogs are read and conclusions are made. sometimes... though sometimes it is nice to indulge in a little fantasy about someone else, that maybe what that person has written or said means that person lives or thinks this way.

satisfies the sleuth in us all, doesn't it. heh.


priding oneself on being a 'quick judge' or simply afraid to ask? i know someone who isn't like that. -grin-

but who cares, anyway? i'm spinning my tale like that fella in the movie titled 'big fish'.


and it makes things more interesting.

dear john

it is not often that i say this, i've only said it once, to someone else, albeit differently.

i know it's wrong and nowhere near right but i like you a lot and it adds to my plight. you're taken and taken, many times over; still i want you as my lover. this sounds like poetry i know very well, but the words flow on as you can tell.

i've been through this and it was messy, took more than four years for me to bury. you've a daughter and a wife i've met and seen; i understand and i don't want to be queen.

you said we aren't to see each other as often as [something]. i agree; but here's the link.

i love your company; you like mine too. but i don't want her to worry about 'Number Two'. i'll move soon, this i know well. here though are thoughts from me to you.

be loved by me, and love in return. heartfelt (or not) doesn't matter, i've learnt.


i want you for you and you want me for me; works well for us doesn't it, sweetie?

we're taking this chance and then the chance is over. meet me this week on thursday; seven. i'll be there at the tombstone fountain.

test, test.

i had whiled away a perfectly idlesome saturday evening clicking on buttons for personality quizzes, and there was this one particular test titled 'is he the one for you'.

the first question was as such:
The first time you met him, how did he act?
• It was so obvious that he was staring at you.
• He just said "hi".
• He was about to smile at you but you had already given him a big smile

hmm. (click)


Number Two:
When you meet him socially, he __________
• says "How are you?" or crack a joke.
• seems a little uptight.
• doesn't look at you or sometimes pretends that he isn't when you catch him.

mm - (click)


Number Three:
When you call him, he __________
• does all the talking. If you don't stop, neither does he.
• says "Hi! How are you? I'm glad you called."
• says "What's up? Nothing much? Well, I have to get back to work.


hum. tricky. (click)


and so it goes on, until number 7, in which it asks:

When you get sick, he __________
• asks your best friend about how you are doing.
• calls and says "I really hope you get well soon."
• says "Oh, there's something going around. A lot of people are getting it.


oh golly. what if the answer's the kind that doesn't fall within these three choices? hmmmmmmm isn't that tough now. (click)





and again on it goes to the end, with me thinking to myself, bemused: "this won't look good."

and true enough, it doesn't. what is there is really like a glass of water. plain as plain gets but noticably - mm, 'more'? i don't know how to explain it.

i almost laughed at my last thought: this is Da Game, in which no one knows whether the other is being interested or merely politely interested. this is Da Game that gives my straight-talking cousin the pleasurable chills.


chuckling to myself, this is ridiculous. Da Game? i had never been interested in games before, much less ones with capital letters helming them.

But that's not to say i am helpless at them when i find myself in The Arena. i'm not saying i'm great at it; i mean it more in the 'competent swimmer who prefers walking' manner. but then, games tend to be better with more people, like two.

while i understand why my cousin loves Da Game i secretly suspect he is slightly masochistic to want to be suspended in the 'want-don't-want' stage.


i like it like this, in this stage because it doesn't matter whether it's a 'want' or 'don't want'. i'm not looking for it to happen.

i want to love, for all its pleasure and smiles and highs but at the same time i don't want to love because men are such capricious creatures.



(then again so are women, even more pronounced with our PMS - 'perpetual menstrual syndrome', as some men put it. so. what gives?)

citing troubles

i have personally found it affronting to not be called wrong when i spelt 'warranty' as 'warrantee'.

i mean, hello, 'guarantee'?


obviously someone before me made the spelling mistake and I'M paying for it.

i'm sure that if the presumptious blunder hadn't been made when dictionaries were invented the word would have been spelt like i spell it.

'warrantee'.




even the great writers used The Other Spelling. bah. sheep, the whole bunch of them. they should have met me earlier, so i could correct that embarrasing confusion.

but too late and too bad for them, i am born only two decades back. you people now have the unbelievable honour and magnificent luck to have me in your midst, to tell you about this undiscovered mistake.


have no fear, adoring fans; even if the world trembles when i speak, i will not forsake you, the whos that are in my original list of mail.



LX



(ye gods. that was just a trial run of how i be were i an ignorant, audacious, stiff-upper-lipped snoot. while i
-shudder- kinda like it, it somehow feels like what should be on stage for a stand-up.

hum.)

the person so delicious

ooh yes.

i've found that person that makes the breath quicken and the blood run a blue mile; and bejesus i had found the one who is so fantastically... so fantastically... energetic!

what luck!

the mouth that refuses to speak

yes i have been that for some time at work. shied away from the phone, shied away from people, hid in my corner and laid low.

but today, it's been good. started last night, when i started to speak again. realised people don't change, i do. and if they aren't going to change i'm not going to bother.

yay to me!

cleanliness of mind

dear all.

if you know where to buy a bottle of originality, do let me know. i know a friend who is in dire need of it.

if you know where to get a slap of humour, let me know; i know a few who deserve it.

if you know where to find peace of mind canned, let me know, i need a bathtub-ful of it.

and lastly, if you know where to find a piece of bad luck, let me know; i know who i will throw it at.

what's going on!

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
ooh, ooh ooh
and I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?
Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

sometimes when you thought...

sometimes when you thought love was in da house you found out it had gone out da window.

sometimes when you thought the past had been run over by the wheels of time it's walking through the door in the same black tee and bermudas with AN INVITATION in hand.

sometimes when you thought luck was on your side you found out all you got was her backside.

sometimes when you thought you couldn't care less you cried.

sometimes when you thought people leave so they can return you realise it is really a one-way road despite the U-turn signs.

sometimes when you are going through shit you feel safer, because you know you just have to stick it through and you'll live to see another day.

you also realise that sometimes it takes good times to see someone's true colours, not just bad times.

sometimes you don't realise how the song that goes 'don't you make my brown eyes blue' means so many different things on so many different levels.

sometimes if you complained that 'money's tough to earn' - you'd better not be talking to an mp3 pirate.

sometimes when you needed to talk to someone the best you can do is a cactus sitting on the window sill:




"...whomever murphy was, he is dead right.

"...whomever murphy was, i wish he were alive so i can
kill him."




and the cactus doesn't spoil his cool.

you're beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

rejuvenation each day

so tired these days. physically. spiritually sound and mentally well-adjusted.

thank heavens for this regenerative ability!

the feeling

you know how sometimes when shit happens it's always your fault, even when it's not?

you know how you've become so accustomed to being wrong the first reaction is to apologise when someone accuses you of being wrong?

do you?


do you know the feeling when someone you trusts and admire at work, whom you thought supported you - he isn't standing on your side when shit hits the fan? even he is assuming you're at fault, too?

do you know the feeling?