cardboard

i don't know about you, but i absolutely resent having to wipe my butt with paper that feels like cardboard.

i know the butt is a place where the world doesn't see unless you're at the beach, that it spends majority of its time being covered up and sat on. but if you've ever had to endure through an episode of having to clean up after you're done in the loo, you will know how unpleasant it is to have what feels like rough cardboard being used on the rump. well, your rump. my rump.

oh, heck. our rumps.


our office block has that issue.

now, i know i don't have a butt of gold, neither do i insure it like a certain missus lopez did; i know you don't, neither. and neither are you someone to speak about things as such when it happens to you, because you are too polite. i know.

fortunately (or unfortunately) i am precisely the kind of person who will mention this to anyone who would pause and listen - it is an act against humanity to give us rough loo paper.

for the magazines that pelt us with images of impossibly smooth skin and pert boobies and high backsides (g-string adorned, no less), can you imagine the feeling of having eaten lunch then sitting down on the butt the whole day? that has just been rough cardboarded??

i mean, i've just had breakfast, i just had lunch, my ass's going to swell to the size of canada with cellulite and i have to paper my behind with that? hello?

a little perspective here?


alright alright. seriously, paranoid fat jokes aside - i think that having cardboard-like loo paper is honestly ineffective. it is, more importantly, not cost-effective.

why?

because when it's tough and hard to bend, it doesn't get to the places it needs to get to. so what happens is that we use more of it. so when building managers make the decision to buy cheap loo rolls, they're actually doing themselves a disfavour, simply because it's ineffective and therefore people use more of it. because it doesn't get the job done.

and we don't like to exfoliate our pretty behinds any more than we need to neither, especially if we can't really see what's going on when we're doing that ourselves on a loo break. the only way we judge if we have a clean arse is when there's no more er, colour on the paper.

and we won't know if the paper has missed the spot if it refuses to conform to the shape of our derrierres. the way nature intended it to be.

and by the time we find out that we had indeed missed something, it's too late. by and by we will learn that we can't be safe enough and we use more paper. capisce? only then it'd not just be "bye-bye utility savings", it'd be "bye-bye environment" as well. so do you see that there is actually a direct relationship between tough loo paper and money and more importantly, the environment??

do you have any idea how much loo paper each building uses? every day? save the earth, people! if not then at least save the utility budget, sheesh! i'm trying to help you, here!


now there's a lot more i'd like to say about how the provision of softer, better loo paper will improve the economy (employees less worried, less grouchy, confident employees, workrate improves - the likes), but i'm sure you get my drift. because, well.

y'know. it's rough on the muff. and muffs must never be roughed. never. not if you want your economy to collapse on you.


so.

i don't know about you, but i prefer soft loo paper. because i prefer to have my economy intact.