on the bus

on the bus home today, my mind wandered to my schoolmates from back then. to one particular girl, actually. her name's jueqi, she's from one of "the better classes" in high school and she is my badminton team member.

despite the fact that i was more social than her, boisterous and better than her in badminton, she never did take a liking to me. i wondered why, for the longest time, until i finally asked her. the response was basically condescending, for lack of a better word.

"you seem like a ne'er-do-well," she had said in chinese. her english wasn't even good enough for a proper sentence, but i didn't take it to heart. i wanted to find out why she found the air about me foul - not to pinpoint that her grasp on the language wasn't as strong as it should be for someone from her high station in the school's academic hierarchy.

and that set me thinking. isn't it strange? just because she can count and i couldn't seemed to give her moral high ground. but then, maybe our math textbooks were thick enough to have her think that they are pedestals she can step on...?

whatever it is, i did not understand. neither did i bother. i just understood that she didn't like me and let that pass (i wasn't always that easy-going on others' opinions: i'd always thought that i was not well-liked in my school community because i thought i stuck out like a sore thumb. my three dear friends will know).

we spoke as much as we did before (which was to say not much) and when we graduated i nearly entirely forgot about her. though... i do wonder... if she's in some firm somewhere counting beans.

or in some university being taught how to count beans, if she hasn't graduated yet.


well. wherever she is now, i hope she is happy, as i am happy. true that my memory and impression of her was not entirely favourable, but i am sure there must be some side to her that i do not know about. there must be some side of her that is at least likeable that i hadn't the chance to recognise.

with that, i wish her the best, that she is in the place she is meant to be in and is enjoying herself there. well-wishes from a person you despise, huh. might be a first, probably won't be the last.