alright emo moment over

-atchoo-

a touch of lonesome, please

i've had a touch of lonesome today, a tad like a touch of flu.

it's strange how lonesome-ness feels - i refuse to call it loneliness, "lonesome-ness" hints at a kind of a romantic geeky-cool while "loneliness" simply means that you're more sad than you really are.


...or maybe that's just my body telling me i'm dehydrated.

word of the day - www.dictionary.com

pukka \PUHK-uh\, adjective:
1. Authentic; genuine.
2. Good of its kind; first-class.

He talks like the quintessential pukka Englishman and quotes Chesterton and Kipling by the yard and yet he has chosen to live most of his adult life abroad.
-- Lynn Barber, "Bell book . . . and then what?", The Observer, August 27, 2000

If he does not have a house, the government gives him a pukka residence, not a . . . shack on the pavement but a solid construction.
-- Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet

Pukka comes from Hindi pakka, "cooked, ripe," from Sanskrit pakva-, from pacati, "he cooks."

hmmmm.

i remember i wanted to say something about women...


...but i can't remember what.

lions

i almost wept to see this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xmc8gDzk2sg&mode=related&search=


and this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAk8Z8Bcsz8&mode=related&search=

footnote at the top

okay. in case you're wondering just who it is that can "put mentors in my path" and "for that CD" - i am not thanking a human being.

i am thanking my Lord, God. i equate Him with the whole of the universe, all that is good and fair (beautiful). i am, i am, i am loved.

this is the day

i had gone to the trade fair at suntec today, and i know, i just know that this is the day that will change my life.

i learnt so much in just one day about the things i want to learn about it's not funny. the things i need to know about this trading thing - the teachers and mentors that have been put in my path, the avenues in which i may walk to get myself to the right place - by george am i thankful for this!

THANK YOU!

for making everything so easy. my sincere thanks!


and thanks for the tom jones CD. i knew i fell in love again when i heard tom jones sing.

biscuits

yum.

thank you for the ritz biscuits dear, they're yummy. the pack i'd bought before this was too hard, it felt a little like biting a ritz brick instead of a ritz biscuit.

love it dipped in nutella!


i'm still curious about how the food pack tastes like...

on the bus

on the bus home today, my mind wandered to my schoolmates from back then. to one particular girl, actually. her name's jueqi, she's from one of "the better classes" in high school and she is my badminton team member.

despite the fact that i was more social than her, boisterous and better than her in badminton, she never did take a liking to me. i wondered why, for the longest time, until i finally asked her. the response was basically condescending, for lack of a better word.

"you seem like a ne'er-do-well," she had said in chinese. her english wasn't even good enough for a proper sentence, but i didn't take it to heart. i wanted to find out why she found the air about me foul - not to pinpoint that her grasp on the language wasn't as strong as it should be for someone from her high station in the school's academic hierarchy.

and that set me thinking. isn't it strange? just because she can count and i couldn't seemed to give her moral high ground. but then, maybe our math textbooks were thick enough to have her think that they are pedestals she can step on...?

whatever it is, i did not understand. neither did i bother. i just understood that she didn't like me and let that pass (i wasn't always that easy-going on others' opinions: i'd always thought that i was not well-liked in my school community because i thought i stuck out like a sore thumb. my three dear friends will know).

we spoke as much as we did before (which was to say not much) and when we graduated i nearly entirely forgot about her. though... i do wonder... if she's in some firm somewhere counting beans.

or in some university being taught how to count beans, if she hasn't graduated yet.


well. wherever she is now, i hope she is happy, as i am happy. true that my memory and impression of her was not entirely favourable, but i am sure there must be some side to her that i do not know about. there must be some side of her that is at least likeable that i hadn't the chance to recognise.

with that, i wish her the best, that she is in the place she is meant to be in and is enjoying herself there. well-wishes from a person you despise, huh. might be a first, probably won't be the last.

old letters

i have stumbled upon an old letter when i was searching for something just now...

i couldn't remember what it said, so i read it. what i read brought a pang to my heart - for it was a letter from an old flame, one of the dramatic ones i've had.


i wonder how he is now, if he's got a kid or three, now.

OMG FREAKED

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


http://www.edheads.org/activities/hip/swf/index.htm

theory

i've theorised today, that the amount of scent au naturel a man gives out is proportional to how macho a man is. i came up with it when my very macho golf editor sat down in an air-conditioned with the freelance web designer.

...the webdesigner smelt like musty sweat dried on woolen pullovers (which it probably is) and the editor smelled like an unwashed respiratory system. WAH PIANG EH don't be so manly can not??? i know the ancestors used scent to mark terri-blardee-tory lah but why surely they appreciate the idea that the ancestors probably survived because they didn't have to have meetings in air-conditioned little rooms back then?

they all would've died from the prehistoric equivalent of death-gas.


again, manliness. it does not have to be body odour, it can even be commercial scent.

but as i said, the more macho they are, the stinkier they are going to get.... or rather, the more likely they are to "forget" what scent does to a girl... which turns a girl off. BIG TIME.

MUST the men spoil their image like that? hawt and manly until within a meter's radius? that's when you know it's not love when you faint. why can't they understand that women LURVE scents? applied with finesse, it can cause a woman to fall instantly in love.

i know, cause i've fallen in instant love before, and that was just from a whiff of perfume. i had looked about for whom i am sure to be my true love then, but i couldn't locate the chap. well. what can i say? i lost my love at an overcrowded train station.

almost romantic. almost.


conversely, give a woman a man who smells of stale sweat. the kind that has gone from sour to sweet. yeah, you know the kind. well. i don't know about other girls but i for one will be the first to have difficulties breathing.

oh. wait. maybe the theory should be - the more macho a man is, the less developed his sense of smell. :D that must be it!

magic

Isaac Aristawidya Rowe, born 15:15 on 14 August 2007. Weighs 3.8kg.

The boy is son of Richard Rowe and Agustiningsih "Nining" (I don't know her surname).



The arrival of the boy is magic. Pure magic.



Yes, two of my very good friends' bundle of joy have arrived.




..i am not officially an auntie. -sob

singing in the rain in my new raincoat

thank YOU, for being the harbinger of pleasure and the bearer of joy.

love

my dear, can you don't be so aimless?

so lembek, so crestfallen? i love you, but this wasn't the person i fell in love with. to have and to hold, through thick and thin, that is the ideal, true, but do be strong! do not let this break you.

i reiterate: do not - NOT - let this break you!

hum

i should write more poetry.

somehow, though, somehow, it's better with a pen and paper.

from the unbound archives

..which is to say they've been scrawled onto slips of paper and forgotten somewhere.

somebody really ought to think
why the brick's so quick to sink
somewhere somehow in my mind
i see non-bricks behaving in kind

---

to fly and fall than to deny and stall.

---

brandishing poetry like a knife ground sharp
i inked the words angled smart
like a scalpel across bleached flesh
language begun with a dissonant slash

---

cocooned in self-pity some moths i see
i marvelled at their shell's intricacy
how they protect themselves in their prison
how a cage is also their halcyon
a transitional time within their weavings
are they in pain or are they sleeping
studied patience or unwilling imprisonment
i cannot guess so i watch in silence

alternative reasoning

i'd been cleaning my room just this evening, after i'd seen the boy off, and found some pieces of paper with my past scrawlings on it. one of them go like this.

"Alternative Reasoning"

"I work not really for a livelihood. I mean, sure, I do need to eat, but I only need so much to survive and get about - I don't NEED to work.

"I work so I have your respect."


..obviously, i didn't know what the heck i was talking about.

---

and another one.

"I hate my job" - that is the age-old complaint, followed by numerous reasons as to why he/she hates the job that more often than not, makes up for more than 90% of the conversation.

"Practically speaking, there are pros and cons, ups and downs to any job. I mean, seriously. It's just like your baby-poo: most of the time she's an angel but sometimes you wish you hadn't had that many beers the evening you met her. The same with jobs.

"Assuming you understand and accept that fact of life and are still unhappy about your job for 'various reasons' - here is the first and most important question: is it the job (i.e. gardening for gardeners, teaching for teachers), the paycheck, the people (colleagues, superiors, subordinates, suppliers et cetera) or 'something else'? If it is the job - then I say congratulations, you have in essence found the root of your pains. Now to decide what you can do to make a job switch smoother.

"If you hate the paycheck but can't survive without it then I say you, my friend, need a supplementing job. Then jump ship.

"As I had read somewhere that one should 'make money, not save money,' - I strongly suggest that you find and fuel another source of livelihood on top of theone that you have righ tnow. It can be something simple, like typing, for example. The supplementing job should not take too much attention away from the 'day job' - the one that pays you the bulk of your salary. That's being smart about things. Not losing the big picture.

"If it's the people - well, whether you stay or you go will have to depend on if your paycheck's big enough to make you stay. Failing which, will the nature of your job encourage you to stay? If there's a 'yes' AND a 'no' then you know you have something to think about. If you have a very firm answer... then you know what you have to do next."


...obviously, i thought i know very much. i still do, sometimes. heh.

if i sound this bossy i think i would do well if i were to write a book. ya think?

eureka

it's a shame; it's going to be a shame.

at this rate he's going, we're not going to make it. he's not ambitious enough, and he's still a boy. heck, we aim to "game together" and he seems to be going it alone all the time in-game, even when he's playing right here with me.

i think that says something. an inherent loner, perhaps? won't that be tough then, to dance a two-person tune with a one-man-going-it man?

so... you see, it's not really about "spending time with me', it's about "getting time to play."


...what a boy.

the trash that i watch online...

(can't remember)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ezi10dC-0I&mode=related&search=

about jesus (family guy)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBZQfAYfH7s

how to spot a gay (family guy)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTtVqh4vLgk&mode=related&search=

WAHAHHAHAHAHA

spiders on drugs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc

kitties on tape
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VRklgMjr3E

nope, it ain't about just you no more

and that's just it. it's not just about you no more, yeah?

cause it's a two-person deal.


i figure in this, too. hey, who knew?

relationships vs reality

reality vs relationships.

realistically, it's best to look into the future. chances are... we're not going to make it.

make no mistake, i want to make it. but realistically speaking, it might be wiser for me to look for an alternative.


..then we see what gives.