oim going to go to shanghai.
for a coupla months. boy might be flying in to see me once every month, which is very nice. six months maximum, may not be coming back; i don't know.
see what happens.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
music
i suppose the thing about music is that it sometimes say what you want to say for you. maybe that's why it is soothing?
...i read somewhere from a friend's blog - 'i'm never going to come back here again. ever. can't even say it's fun.'
where'd that come from? what's happened that had him say all these?
...i read somewhere from a friend's blog - 'i'm never going to come back here again. ever. can't even say it's fun.'
where'd that come from? what's happened that had him say all these?
hum.
has it ever bothered you to know that things are going straight downhill and you are strapped in?
yes?
me, too.
yes?
me, too.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Sunday, November 13, 2005
conversation
Jacys says:
its time to take what i want
Jacys says:
why must i give all the time?
Jacys says:
tired of giving
bound, not gagged. says:
..no one asked that you give all the time
bound, not gagged. says:
ifyou wanted to give, go ahead and give
bound, not gagged. says:
but understand that it is you who wanted to give
bound, not gagged. says:
and receiving on your end is completely at the mercy of the other party
bound, not gagged. says:
expecting to be loved and to receive is just asking for it
...i was once like that.
"no more!" i said.
and "no more!" i still say. i heard those words told me me against my unwilling ears again, from a certain ex of an ex.
"it's wrong," she said.
wrong? wrong!
what's right and what's wrong? who died and made you judge of my life? heck you don't even have a halo. you can't walk on water but i bet you'll float. and that's just because of the fats around your thighs. you'll either float leg-up or chest up, not that i envy you.
i don't fancy sagginess, neither do i like having my boobs being seen first when i round a corner. gosh - those, my dear friends, are called "titties". no longer "boobies".
anyways.
it's not 'wrong'. foolish, maybe, but not wrong. to say that it is wrong smacks too strongly of judgement - especially when you are not meant to be doing so. no, not even 'your personal opinion'.
..and so i learnt the hard way. give, give all i want but to protect myself i have to not expect anything in return.
i believe that's what she's trying to say. i'm still angry at you, i still blam eyou for this, you know that. i'm sure you can tell.
you are the cause you probably will never cease to be the cause. but it doesn't matter to you and shouldn't. and so what?
its time to take what i want
Jacys says:
why must i give all the time?
Jacys says:
tired of giving
bound, not gagged. says:
..no one asked that you give all the time
bound, not gagged. says:
ifyou wanted to give, go ahead and give
bound, not gagged. says:
but understand that it is you who wanted to give
bound, not gagged. says:
and receiving on your end is completely at the mercy of the other party
bound, not gagged. says:
expecting to be loved and to receive is just asking for it
...i was once like that.
"no more!" i said.
and "no more!" i still say. i heard those words told me me against my unwilling ears again, from a certain ex of an ex.
"it's wrong," she said.
wrong? wrong!
what's right and what's wrong? who died and made you judge of my life? heck you don't even have a halo. you can't walk on water but i bet you'll float. and that's just because of the fats around your thighs. you'll either float leg-up or chest up, not that i envy you.
i don't fancy sagginess, neither do i like having my boobs being seen first when i round a corner. gosh - those, my dear friends, are called "titties". no longer "boobies".
anyways.
it's not 'wrong'. foolish, maybe, but not wrong. to say that it is wrong smacks too strongly of judgement - especially when you are not meant to be doing so. no, not even 'your personal opinion'.
..and so i learnt the hard way. give, give all i want but to protect myself i have to not expect anything in return.
i believe that's what she's trying to say. i'm still angry at you, i still blam eyou for this, you know that. i'm sure you can tell.
you are the cause you probably will never cease to be the cause. but it doesn't matter to you and shouldn't. and so what?
Monday, November 07, 2005
he said...
he asked me to move in with him.
three weeks, plus a few more days. fifteenth of october.
it's three weeks, and two days. and i wasn't even the one to remember the date. i'm quite grounded, it seems.
three weeks, plus a few more days. fifteenth of october.
it's three weeks, and two days. and i wasn't even the one to remember the date. i'm quite grounded, it seems.
off the net
Every day I write the list
Of reasons why I still believe they do exist
(a thousand beautiful things)
And even though it's hard to see
The glass is full and not half empty
(a thousand beautiful things)
So... light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
Never close my eyes
I thank you for the air to breathe
The heart to beat
The eyes to see again
(a thousand beautiful things)
And all the things that's been and done
The battle's won
The good and bad in everyone
(this is mine to remember)
So ...
Here I go again
Singin' by your window
Pickin' up the pieces of what's left to find
The world was meant for you and me
To figure out our destiny
(a thousand beautiful things)
To live
To die
To breathe
To sleep
To try to make your life complete
So ...
Light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
never close my eyes ...
That is everything I have to say
Of reasons why I still believe they do exist
(a thousand beautiful things)
And even though it's hard to see
The glass is full and not half empty
(a thousand beautiful things)
So... light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
Never close my eyes
I thank you for the air to breathe
The heart to beat
The eyes to see again
(a thousand beautiful things)
And all the things that's been and done
The battle's won
The good and bad in everyone
(this is mine to remember)
So ...
Here I go again
Singin' by your window
Pickin' up the pieces of what's left to find
The world was meant for you and me
To figure out our destiny
(a thousand beautiful things)
To live
To die
To breathe
To sleep
To try to make your life complete
So ...
Light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
never close my eyes ...
That is everything I have to say
off the net
Wandering through the back roads
And the rain comes rushing down
To resolve your love
For this man in his twenties
Am I right?
Am I wrong?
Or am I just dreaming?
Climbing up the backstairs
There's a chill wind in the air
I wrap up from the cold
Pull the blinds in the window
Who was there?
Was it you?
Or am I just dreaming?
Look at all the lonely people
Walking miles around the town
I can see the old cathedral
But I have to play it down
Boats along the river
Setting up their sails
And life carries on as normal
Although you're not around
Waiting at the bus stop
Laughing off the rain
Shaking their umbrellas
Till it starts again
Flowers in the water
Floating off downstream
Paper in the gutter
Blowing in the breeze
Am I right?
Am I wrong?
Or am I just dreaming?
And the rain comes rushing down
To resolve your love
For this man in his twenties
Am I right?
Am I wrong?
Or am I just dreaming?
Climbing up the backstairs
There's a chill wind in the air
I wrap up from the cold
Pull the blinds in the window
Who was there?
Was it you?
Or am I just dreaming?
Look at all the lonely people
Walking miles around the town
I can see the old cathedral
But I have to play it down
Boats along the river
Setting up their sails
And life carries on as normal
Although you're not around
Waiting at the bus stop
Laughing off the rain
Shaking their umbrellas
Till it starts again
Flowers in the water
Floating off downstream
Paper in the gutter
Blowing in the breeze
Am I right?
Am I wrong?
Or am I just dreaming?
"it's not personal"
yeah.
that's right. tell me it's not personal after you had aimed your loosened handle right at me.
"it's not personal."
a way of saying "too bad you had to be there"? or a way of ensuring that future animosity is "not called-for"? bah.
corporate insincerity!
that's right. tell me it's not personal after you had aimed your loosened handle right at me.
"it's not personal."
a way of saying "too bad you had to be there"? or a way of ensuring that future animosity is "not called-for"? bah.
corporate insincerity!
Saturday, November 05, 2005
lost, found
i think i'd just found him.
woohoohoo.
as scared as i am
as good as gold
as sensuous as erotic
i'm as good as sold
though listen to jenn, don't be hasty....
but screw it try telling yourself that when you're this close! YAAAAAARGH!@
woohoohoo.
as scared as i am
as good as gold
as sensuous as erotic
i'm as good as sold
though listen to jenn, don't be hasty....
but screw it try telling yourself that when you're this close! YAAAAAARGH!@
Thursday, November 03, 2005
him.
it's been three weeks. i think i'd found him.
still in the midst of testing, but i think i'd found him. now loren, don't be hasty...
still in the midst of testing, but i think i'd found him. now loren, don't be hasty...
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
halloween
met my galfriends up last night for halloween, it was pretty nice. i'd thought i would have trouble with talking to a certain susan but i was pleasantly surprised that none of the cattiness was there. none from me, none from her. i was quite glad about that, truly. relieved, even.
we talked, we laughed, i heard a few incredible tales from jas's very interestingly bent-but-straight-but-then-again cousin...
-laugh-
it's hilarious, truly. saw lawrence, a coupla others that i do not know and who's that again - jiahao - and there was ren choo. pretty fun crew to have about. too bad i had to leave early that evening, had my boss to impress and had a sudden attack of the sniffles. jenn changed quite a bit, she feels more grounded, more matured, more 'grown up'. which is good; it feels like the good ole logical girl i know has blossomed into a confident young lady. :)
jasmine? hahaha don't ever change, yeah!
..and here's hoping susan and i won't fight mucho, not over 'nothing'. we should be over that kinduv petty bickering.
mm.
i had told the ladies about this person i know. he's sweet and nice and well-built (one size smaller than what i am looking for though), looks alright (claims to be gay-bait) and everything else in between (yes EVERYTHING in between) but just so happens that i don't really trust him.
heck no one can be so sweet just because.
my doubts were even more compounded when he rode over to my place all the way from bayshore to bring me teh alia. he knew i won't be making myself a warm drink when he knew i had a sniffle attack. and that was about - one am?
why's he being this nice? it's really hard to comprehend.
i mean, he rode here to bring me tea with the intention of heading right back after, no monkey business.
the only oddity was that he had brought his toothbrush along with him...
but before you think he has come with the intention of staying over - he was walking out to the gate when it started to rain. happened twice already. heh. maybe it's just bukit timah. haha!
upon my asking why he'd have his toothbrush with him though, he said he doesn't know why he brought it neither. oh that i can believe. i often do things without understanding them only to have it turn out for the better.
like my printing a document i had asked a colleague of mine to print, only in a different format - my printing it was 'unnecessary' then because not even i needed it but later on it turned out that the format i had prepared was preferred. i guess that toothbrush incident worked along similar principle with this printing one.
but back to the story - nothing much happened; we slept, somewhat.
not because we were up and about - ahem - but because it was more difficult than we thought to a) fit two people on a single bed and b) stay asleep when two people are on that bed.
but goodness, how he woke me! with kisses. he slammed the clock for me without my asking (first beep) and snoozed the subsequent beepings until it was absolutely time to wake me. mmm. not bad. especially noting that not many (if any) can understand my early morning grunting when it's simply too early to crack open a 'NBCB kill that EFFING -" much less an eyelid.
but i still don't trust him.
how can anyone be this sweet?
we talked, we laughed, i heard a few incredible tales from jas's very interestingly bent-but-straight-but-then-again cousin...
-laugh-
it's hilarious, truly. saw lawrence, a coupla others that i do not know and who's that again - jiahao - and there was ren choo. pretty fun crew to have about. too bad i had to leave early that evening, had my boss to impress and had a sudden attack of the sniffles. jenn changed quite a bit, she feels more grounded, more matured, more 'grown up'. which is good; it feels like the good ole logical girl i know has blossomed into a confident young lady. :)
jasmine? hahaha don't ever change, yeah!
..and here's hoping susan and i won't fight mucho, not over 'nothing'. we should be over that kinduv petty bickering.
mm.
i had told the ladies about this person i know. he's sweet and nice and well-built (one size smaller than what i am looking for though), looks alright (claims to be gay-bait) and everything else in between (yes EVERYTHING in between) but just so happens that i don't really trust him.
heck no one can be so sweet just because.
my doubts were even more compounded when he rode over to my place all the way from bayshore to bring me teh alia. he knew i won't be making myself a warm drink when he knew i had a sniffle attack. and that was about - one am?
why's he being this nice? it's really hard to comprehend.
i mean, he rode here to bring me tea with the intention of heading right back after, no monkey business.
the only oddity was that he had brought his toothbrush along with him...
but before you think he has come with the intention of staying over - he was walking out to the gate when it started to rain. happened twice already. heh. maybe it's just bukit timah. haha!
upon my asking why he'd have his toothbrush with him though, he said he doesn't know why he brought it neither. oh that i can believe. i often do things without understanding them only to have it turn out for the better.
like my printing a document i had asked a colleague of mine to print, only in a different format - my printing it was 'unnecessary' then because not even i needed it but later on it turned out that the format i had prepared was preferred. i guess that toothbrush incident worked along similar principle with this printing one.
but back to the story - nothing much happened; we slept, somewhat.
not because we were up and about - ahem - but because it was more difficult than we thought to a) fit two people on a single bed and b) stay asleep when two people are on that bed.
but goodness, how he woke me! with kisses. he slammed the clock for me without my asking (first beep) and snoozed the subsequent beepings until it was absolutely time to wake me. mmm. not bad. especially noting that not many (if any) can understand my early morning grunting when it's simply too early to crack open a 'NBCB kill that EFFING -" much less an eyelid.
but i still don't trust him.
how can anyone be this sweet?
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