just a little terrorised

the food near my place, the short drive down to katong, the evenings alone or otherwise in my room, with simony, the hamster that i let loose once in a while -

i'm going to move away from that all in a few days' time. i'm suddenly scared. just a little. terror, i mean.


i don't quite know if i can let the memories go. will they be torn from me, cause me hurt? will they simply melt away, like a secret lover with a family to return to? will i still dream of the person i had called quits with, waking to gulp air, to swallow tears?

does working work, do the distractions from the workplace, human and otherwise, help?

..if they do, why do i reminisce, like i want back, like i wanted to claw the fabric of time to reel it back in; start again?


...if they don't why am i this happy, feeling this fulfilled? if they don't, why am i still laughing, still smiling, loving life, living life, enjoying the attention..?

maybe i still cannot let you go. nobody should've said if we fit. they have no grounds.


if we didn't and were still happy we 'complement' each other. if we're not we're 'too different'.

if we did and we're still unhappy we're 'incompatible'.



so what gives, huh?

but too bad. maybe for you, maybe for me. it doesn't matter, for whether or not i can let go is besides the point. i'm leaving.


and that's all there is to it.

maybe we'll find each other again after a year, like we did the last time round.



who knows? maybe i'd meet an old dying man and marry his monies instead. heh. -laugh-

maybe.