alien contact

wah piang eh sam made contact on the same day.

scary. came with his wifey and her best friend all the way from the states. here's hoping this is the last of it all.


with God's grace, amen.

the ring

i'd received a message from someone i thought i'd never hear from ever again.

but there it is, that message. i'd experienced that nearly-forgotten jolt of fear when i saw his number.


but well. looks like we're set to play a game this saturday. great! i'd missed people.

fortune teller

a fortune teller told me once, that i would be in love with a man who's not good for me.

i'd love that man like he were my life and i would do anything for him. she said, though, we would break up. she also mentioned that there was another girl overseas, and she would return to singapore and i would one day see her.

i would get insanely jealous when i do see her and in the end, he and i would break up. there's a very good chance, she said, that i would kill myself when that happened. we would be together for exactly a year and that'd be the end of it.

needless to say, i was very upset when i heard that but the boyfriend i had back then wasn't the one she was talking about.

it was simony.

the good news she had for me at the end though, was that i would meet another, much better than that one, and we would be happy.


my words of bravado to her back then were: alright, so let it happen. get it over and done with and then let's go on to the good stuff.

what she didn't know was that i had asked my mother to help get some things for me and spent that time in bed. i cried like i were a violin string strung too tight - i had howl-shrieked my pain and - for the lack of a less melodramatic word - anguish like i were about to break.

thankfully i get over things as such quick: i was done by the time my mother returned later that day. i moped a little but nothing as intense as that kinda expression.


..now that simony's over (phew) - here's looking forward at the future. i'm not looking for love, at love, suchlike.

i'm just not looking. i get followed about by random acquaintances as usual, but i pay them no heed. i get invitations to be f* buddies but i'm not that interested - i choose my f* buddies, they don't choose me. emotional needs satisfied because there aren't any, physical needs satisfied by my paramours and most importantly, my Lord satisfies my spiritual needs.

what more do i ask for? :) i'm living the perfect life! amen to that!

happiness

happiness comes when you don't expect it.

expectations, that's what i'm talking about. don't expect, and you get it.


but if you expect quality, you tend to get it. and when you get quality, you are happy. chicken and egg?

yes.

callow? me?

Those who in later years did me harm I describe as I knew them then, and I beg any reader to remember that, although I was hardly callow, I was not yet wise in the ways of the world.
--Iain Pear


aye, and we all learn. you had your turn, now's mine.

in love

in love with this unattainable man.

i think i'm destined to be the mistress. men. ha.


women: double ha.

and i miss you..

when i have a moment to myself, i wonder how you are babes.


how's jasmine doing with her job? she having a great time like i am?

how's su doing with her messed-up life? anymore taiwanese drama-serial-worthy happenings? is she alright?

how's jenn, is she coping alrighty without macho?


and i miss me, too. how am i? am i happy? content? pleased with work but what about friends?

i realise i'm quite the recluse these days. wishing for a friend to sit at a pub with, without a thing to say. no need for words, just good music.

come, you. we hardly have anything to say to each other. but we are ok with silence, which is cool. let's hit the pub, you and i. esplanade, like always? this weekend, if possible!

i thought i knew this!

i thought i knew that the business world is an evil and dangerous place, almost like the mafia.

what i didn't know: it really IS like the mafia.


i thought i knew men: i don't.

i thought i was smart: i didn't realise there's this much i don't know.

i thought i was good in english - until i'd sent an email saying 'gracefully accepted' in response to an apology.

i thought life's simple: it is. just that i hadn't noticed the extra kinks in the works until now.

i thought old people are gullible. i was dead wrong: the older they are the more careful you'd better be. you may be smart but they've experience. you may run fast but their reach is long. either way, you die.

i thought courtesy's a given: those who taught me that lied.

i thought there were no good men: wrong. there's a good man when the price is right. (mind out of gutter!)

i thought it's impossible to be nasty and polite at the same time: dead wrong.


so many things i thought i knew but heck! new things, new things, what excitement this is! and somehow, this makes me a great deal happier knowing that my friends are my friends are my friends and i probably won't have to deal with them in business.

i'm thankful to see another facet of the world; the 'gamer' side of people, the 'businessman' side of people, the 'goofball' side, the 'family' side, 'the other woman' side etc etc etc. i'm going in a wide-eyed greenie and am loving every moment of this growing.

the knocks and praises, all. and i'm very, very thankful to have this job.

the return

people go so they can return.

like how people learn so they can question.


it's all going to be alright little baby, it's going to be fine.

besides, we wagered on some things, didn't we? -grin- i'm sure i'll win on those.

time passes

and time passes.

it's good, i suppose. no need to think about anything else. a form of productive escapism i suppose.

i dreamt of you last night

hooo boy i most definitely did. :)

-chuckle-

definitions

if 'mysogynist' means woman-hater what's the word for man-hater?

if starfish were to regrow after they're being cut-up do the cut-up bits start from age 0 again?

what about earthworms?



if gravity were to help in causing wrinkles will sleeping with your head tilted backward help in reversing the process?

the price

the price of heading off to cheong then working the next day is health.

down with flu and cough and lost my voice. nightmare of the moment is having kids at my place tearing up my prized paintings and books and i can't even scream at them.

consolation of the moment though: i have a big stick.

conversations.

i wonder if people will say things like 'oh i've had a nice 80 years of life' after they're dead or enthuse about their 'fantastically crazy' twenty.

maybe they all sit and talk, amongst themselves, over a cuppatea, saying 'yea well, you seem to have a terribly exciting way to come - i had never been chased down by a monster that lurks just outside of your sight in the last train before - '


maybe the rest'll all nod in agreement, murmurring 'what bullshit.'

maybe there'll be one who says 'wow, and the train shuts its lights off carriage by carriage!'


me? i'll probably be the one who slurps her cuppa and listens to the life experiences of others while planning the naughtiness for the next life to happen, if there is one.

the life

hmm. went after work to get to a club.

needed that, to get the latent stress outta me. drank, drank and drank some more. and danced. all thanks to a certain mark. a beat presser also came along to club.

but well. what else, eh? it was rather fun, small talk over big music, can't hear shit and have to shout or resort to light instead of sound for communication.

gotta work tomorrow and here i am, typing this at three am. hum. i think i'm done, now. prolly would have to sleep with me eyes open tomorrow.

bah. one night lived is a night earned, one day worked is one day saved.

and i get sian.

heh.

and i get sian of this flirtation. jadedness? maybe.

drive? definitely. career. i'll build it up. let's all flirt later.


besides. money talks.

love? 'kao bian zhan'.

mmm i see him again

oh yes. right there. hovering right by me.

another girl's apparently attracted to him as well, only she's more open. i'm like 'tea', they said, pleasantly subtle.


how sweet, that. but well. work, work.

do not lay where you get yer pay.

about thine manhood

puh-lease.

eddie

i miss you eddie.

i know you can't read this because you don't know this site exists. i miss you. you may be the automated thought when my thoughts are turned towards simony, but

i suppose i do miss you, for you. not for anyone else.


not meaning to say anything nasty about anyone else's size, technique, stamina and manners: you're the best lover ever.

and it's your embrace i miss. i hear the song that goes '..you and i - collide' and i think of simony and i miss you. replacement? you're a very successful one.

someone had mentioned if he could have his ex-es write testimonials about his performance he'd have stacks of paper. i'm thinking he'd have stacks of paper to hide.

if i were to write anything for anyone, however, i'd write this for you: Eros reincarnated. and i'm kinda glad i'd lost someone to have known a sex god.


miss you dear. be good, now. you'd been naughty, but then that's my fault. :)

be good now.

malayed words.

life?

so weird, so weird.


not wanting to fall in love but still falling in love. here's hoping it's lust but how is it lust when we share electrifying smiles and are hardly doing anything too open.

i guess i'd played my mind game and had gotten my answer. :)

yes, it's The Game. READY, LIGHTS, ACTION!

the sweet high of flirtation

mmm it's delicious, isn't it, to find someone to flirt with.

this one's got the thrill to him. a little like simony when we started out: the unspoken something we share when our eyes meet. somehow, just somehow, we can't help but smile when we see each other's about.

too bad he's my superior. heh, damn CEO at that.


keep clear, aye.

happy.

yes, am happy at last.

it doesn't have to come from love of someone. :)


and i shall never, never get married. yes!

never ever

i'm never going to get married.

with men like that, nooo sirree. they're either unaffectionate - or when they are they can't keep their hands to themselves. bah.


no marriage for me.

sick of men

why do they ask me to be f* buddies?

screw yerselves, you hear?!

the wake

i'd gone to the wake.

it reminds me of Dream's wake, only less magnificent and breath-taking. it's full of mortals instead of magic beings with wings and godlike powers. almost like staring at ants making their rounds about the coffin, instead of something else.

maybe that's me trying to avoid the fact that i'm at a funeral.


cried nonetheless. was aiming for minimal tears. felt like i succeeded. first wake ever, don't understand how it goes. when an elder dies it seems that elder transcends into godhood. maybe that's why the older and richer chinese have ancestrial rooms where all the tablets are.

whatever it is.

grandaunt, if you can suddenly understand english and access the net on top of having the intuition to find my blogsite: zou hao. i may not have known you very well, but you have been kind. thank you for none of the nastiness when others look at me in degrading light. thank you for loving my father even if he's the enfant terrible of his generation. may the Lord send His angels to guide your way.

you may not belong to him but i had prayed for your safe journey, He will ensure it. because He's that kinda God.

death and migration

so what's the difference between death and migration?

you tend to forget the people who migrate, while you remember those who died.


at least i do. going to the wake tomorrow.