Stuart Bloopers

GOOD LORD!!!!!

conversations

this is over sms, on an evening i was tired but i had nothing better to do between the time i fall asleep and the time when still lying half awake - which was the beginning of a great deal of uh, excitement.

me: 木头。
x: i'm smarter than that...
me: -smile- maybe. perhaps i'm the one!
x: takes time sometimes...
me: O o
wah piang another one. how come tonight i keep getting blind-sided one??
x: ?? can meet you for kopi tomorrow if you want. i'm in jb in the morning
me: i've stuff on the entire of tomorrow... very hard, really. i was thus pushing for tonight, as that was the only window i may have caught you... it's alright la, dealt with the money issue already.*

10 minutes later, in which my conversation with another friend went like this as accurately as i remember, in bold:

me: eh. i think this is the wrong time to fall in love. what do you think?
him: ok lah ...blah blah blah... falling in love is alright.
me: [said something]
him: [something something] i'm not flirting with you. really.
me: ? ^^'
har? er. what??
me: wah i must be getting stupid. what's going on??

and it suddenly dawns on me that -

me: OMG are you thinking i'm asking you over for something dubious??? it is NOT THE CASE! >_<
x: dun be ridiculous... i'm not.... insulted
me: you're not insulted? what does that mean? over what?? -cry-
k i shall.. keep my hands off the phone and... go sleep. nobody's making any sense tonight T_T
x: i'm not like that... i feel insulted!!!! LOL


at this point i was curled up in foetal position, sucking my thumb furiously wondering how on earth the conversation went that way. well. not really, but you get the idea of the kind of trauma i go through sometimes.


* the money issue is not because i was short on money, but because i was to head to malaysia for work and i hadn't made the trip down to the money changer's yet. that friend is a regular visitor of malaysia, and i thought i might exchange some money with him instead.

FOAM

Madtv - Sesame Street - Internet - Outtake!

MadTV - Sesame Street - The Internet

Mad TV - Aren't Asians Great?

ho gods

CEE is for COOKIE

power struggles

i don't do power struggles. not anymore, because it tires me out fighting with someone i'm supposed to love or in this case, was supposed to come to love.

i'm sorry it never did go past "like" for you, but that's okay. we don't know what we hadn't had. there is no loss when there was no gain.

in all sincerity, i am sorry it was you. thank you for the sweet flowers. thank you, for the time we hung out at my place, for the tau huay and porridge that you brought. i enjoyed and looked forward to them.

the hanging out, i mean.


though... i still will have to say that there is a difference between being concerned and being adamantly controlling about how another person should live. nobody likes being told what to do, in that tone that borders on ordering. there's simply no way an older, more matured person would behave that way to me*.

plus don't you agree that i'm a big girl and i know how to take care of myself?


well. whatever it is, it's passed now and i know that i don't like having to spend the rest of my life with someone who behaves like my father instead of a boyfriend/husband, and i know that's what you were aiming to be.


thank you, once again, for the good times. i will remember them.



* postscript: i take that back. i'd just met someone who IS older than i am and likes to bossily tell me that i eat too little. now, though, it's been toned down to nagging at me to say that i should eat more. thankfully.

perfume

and yes, i wear perfume to bed. it's called "envy me" - gucci.

I is The Priss - Who knew?

The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)


Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.


Your exact female opposite:

The Playstation


Always avoid: The Playboy (RGSM), The Loverboy (RGLM)

Consider: The Manchild (RBLD)

relationship?

someone told me during a conversation today that she wants a relationship. i didn't understand it.

right now, in the quiet of my bedroom, i begin to question: what about a relationship is that attractive to her, that she is wanting one?

i mean, anyone who has been through a relationship understands that hey people hit the ground after the honeymoon wears off, much like how balloons hit the ground once the helium wears off. surely she understands that?

or am i biased, or unfeeling to even have such queries in my mind?


why relationship? is it the...

1) sex?
2) the companionship?
3) idea that there is a "friend" you can trust in and love on?

forgive me if i'm on the sceptical side here but we do know that, respectively: -
1) it's never seven inches.
2) there's no real companionship until you live together - by then you'd probably want to kick the other person out.
3) and yeaaah the things you don't know.


so... seriously now. what is it about a relationship? i don't understand it at this point in time probably because i know what i'm searching for... and what i'm looking for is NOT more trouble.

friendship and companionship yes, but a relationship - haha

i'm not so sure.


anyhoos. it's someone else who's looking for a relationship, not me - perhaps she is wiser than i am? she might very well be, for all i know! for now however, i'm letting it all wash over me, not pursuing, not resisting.

and it's great. until i find that wisdom my friend seems to have, i'm going to remain right here where i am in terms of status: single.

choices and the hitchhiker

sometimes choices have to be made and followed. sometimes there are trials attached, sometimes you get an "advance to Go" card and other times, well, you get a dud and life goes on.

i won't even begin to talk about how life is supposed to be like a box of chocolates - sometimes they're all coconut.

i think life is more like taking a bus: you know where you're headed and you've your fare ready. you just have to wait, because you'll know it when you see it, then you'll hop on. like everybody else.

others may find that life is more like taking a taxi - faster, probably easier and definitely less crowded than "what the rest has to go through" - unless, of course, you're travelling with a whole bunch of people who are "headed the same way", so to speak.

then again there's nothing stopping the supposed driver from taking you for a joyride and ripping you off... unless you've got your hands on his balls and by that time it'll be illegal.


so... what now? the bus or the taxi? well, i don't know. it looks like a good day out, i think i'll take a walk.

people

The more people I meet, the more I understand that yes I am fine and yes, I am loved. Definitely yes: I am beautiful both inside and out, as far as my ideals go.

I like myself.

MadTv Internet!

lashes

i've always wondered what the lil comb is for - the one "they" say is for combing lashes.

today, i think i understand, for today, i went and got myself lashes. yes, the sort that is GLUED to yon eyelids - and suddenly, the lash-comb makes sense!


...not that it'll be of any use, of course*.


* that is, possibly until i wake up tomorrow morning to discover i've been sleeping on my face -

The Female of the Species

WHEN the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
'Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other's tale—
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man, a bear in most relations—worm and savage otherwise,—
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger—Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue—to the scandal of The Sex!

But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity—must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions—not in these her honour dwells—
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions—in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies!—
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Unprovoked and awful charges—even so the she-bear fights,
Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons—even so the cobra bites,
Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
And the victim writhes in anguish—like the Jesuit with the squaw!

So it comes that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
To some God of Abstract Justice—which no woman understands.

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
Must command but may not govern—shall enthral but not enslave him.
And She knows, because She warns him, and Her instincts never fail,
That the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.


Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

hurricanes, if xkcd had its way

tush-whacked

yeah i've had my butt whipped. but then that's alright, makes me more aware and stronger. no more two-steps-forward-one-step-back - we aren't doing the cha-cha here, so there's absolutely no need for that.

how about one-step-forward-two-steps-up? adds dimension now, doesn't it.


well, whatever it is, i relinquish all grip. i surrender, i drop my weapons. don't kill me.*



* and if you must, let me die prettily.

omgwtfpwnd

one of the comments made was "omgwtfpaned by a little baby,damn the mom got scared."